Hi @wordman Yes, today has been unusually difficult. I have found that usually I have a mixture of lots of light during a day, with smaller amounts of sad, heavy times. This morning I had a phonecall that woke me. (It was from one of support services - a new one) The person on the other end didn't identify who they were, or what their role was, in a clear way that I could understand. They sounded very bubbly & out of touch with my headspace. I tried to be polite & I hope I didn't offend them. In hindsight, I think they might have been a peer support worker who is being organised for me. They didn't say that - & I was confused.
I was then transferred to another professional. It's difficult & confronting for me to talk with new people. Anyway, he sounded too happy as well! I started feeling inadequate, as I could hear how different my tone was, in comparison. It was a somewhat in depth conversation. He seemed to get me. That made me feel assured. After hanging up the phone, I felt sad & started crying again. - I feel asleep & woke up around 4pm! I will be meeting this person tomorrow in person. I'm not sure how it will go.
So, then at about 7pm, my housemate appeared. We had an honest conversation, for once - the words - very hard to hear.
I found your feedback to be of greatest help to me. Although, I believe, I believe in myself - having an objective perspective redirects my focus on areas I might have otherwise overlooked.
'Very Strong' about my position & goals. I missed that. You helped me clarify.
That you mentioned my words were heartfelt. I felt acknowledged that you recognised, what I'm feeling is real to me. I like that you didn't minimise my experience - I think the word 'heartfelt' shows that you recognise, I was pouring out my heart. It is a nice word for me.
You didn't have to answer my questions! They were a little bit rhetorical. It is affirming to know that I am not being immature.
Suffering may be normal, however we don't have to let suffering take us to a dark place or feel anything negative.
Yes. To me, this is very wise.
I was watching Ahn paint Father Bob on ABC TV an hour ago. I wrote down words of Father Bob.
Don't curse the darkness, light a candle. 🕯️
I am contemplating the lessons that can be learnt from grief & loss. So far, I only have, impermanence & strength. Not a big fan of those lessons.
Carry the strength your support networks are giving. Use that strength to move forward.
Yes, thankyou. I need to be available to the support that is there for me. I think (hypothesis) each step I can take - builds my trust, in myself & others.
Move to a brighter place full of light and joy. Wipe away your tears and replace them with smiles and laughter.
This might be my favourite. Laughing is good. Full of light & joy. I want this for me. My heart & soul deserve it. They have carried me so far in this life. I want to reward my spirit with light. A place to finally feel peace & rest. A place where my spirit soars.
Pondering on your friend can give valuable lessons of life.
I don't understand.
You say he was taken by drugs. I say understand the error of his ways.
I think I understand.
I have definitely understood the error of my ways and it helped me to grow and learn about myself which ultimately has allowed me to be where I am today.
In my mind, my ways have not been in error. Other people have made bad choices. I have been affected. I would not change who I was, who I am. I deserve to be all of who I am.
Begin to love yourself rather then seek love elsewhere. Love comes from within.
i do like to believe this. I do like to believe that everything I could ever need & more, already exists within me.
Oh dear - I had written lots more & 'timed out '.
It took me ages. I can't write anymore now.
THANKYOU wordman
Have a good night.
maddison
