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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi @Loopy,

I feel worried when I hear statments like, 'the hole is too deep and I just don't have the strength to crawl out.' Are you ok?

CB

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Thanks on the honesty bit, I'm really no one.

Many years ago, I was at someone's home and he was having a fairly full on episode and I saw his black hole. It was terrifying, I couldn't imagine anyone can crawl out of it.

Who put the hole there ?

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

CherryBomb, No, but I am a determined survivor. Too may painful memories. But I would not do anything dumb. I have too many caring people in this forum.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Omg Loopy, I was going to write that I don't have the experience or the brains to deal with this....I could do that many years ago because I had huge amounts of support in therapy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, my selfish and only Daughter who only calls when there is something she needs, cash, and tonight I said no, she once said to me Ïf we get in the shit we will get ourselves out" $20,000 later she still is not satisfied. I said NO and reminded her of her words to me. Now I am worried just what crap she is in. What do I do. I meant the honesty bit, why would anyone get on a forum like this and exaggerate the symptoms with so many sufferers who know all there is to know, thank you all.

loopy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

@Loopy

I feel both sad and relieved right now. Sad to know that you are in pain and struggling right now, and pleased that you have people in your life care for you, and whom you also care for.

While others can't take the pain away, I think they can help take some of the load, in the way that you need not deal with how your feeling on your own and alone. I'm happy to have hear with us, Loopy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Oh I was writing something to you about putting some boundries down on the sadness.
Life is good, I don't have the experience to deal with the black hole stuff, I did many years ago but I don't have that support now.

On your daughter.......why should you give her anything?
Because you love her. she is your daughter. could you say, listen Daughter, I will lend you XXXX but I want to to start paying me back all the money that you owe me. I will write up a payment schedule, Ille even help you with a budget and setting it up, my money can automatically come out of your bank account but enough is enough. I know you love me but this is what we are going to do to move forward.

what you think??

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, no, Radio. We have no facilities here to help PTSD sufferers be it ambulance, firemen, health workers or old coppers. The Govt. does not think it is worth it or maybe their workers are not worth the trouble.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I am going because got my neighbour and friend coming over for dinner and scrabble.

Ive got some questions to ask you too but mine not about money!!
thanks for this.
thanks CherryBomb

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

CherryBomb , i thank you, I just don't want to load everyone else up with my momentary problems, its just that this is my way of venting and seeing the comments in return because they are all extremely helpful. I just wish my Shink would be such a good "sounding board." I have grown since joining this forum because of the feedback and idea swapping that occurs.

loopy.

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