Alarm bells are going off but I can't find the fire

Hi @it_is_Cold

Many years back, one of the very few insightful psychiatrists I have ever met suggested to me that I should go and live in the country. In hindsight it was good advice and probably would have made life considerably easier.

At the time I was a partner in a succesful, high profile and profitable business. Had it not been for the schizophrenia it would have been the ultimate dream situation but in reality it was very often the ultimate nightmare.

On a plane, flying to an important business meeting, realising that I was prodromal, trying to just not freak out on the plane because of the obvious consequences....

Most of the time I miraculously managed to get away with it although looking back I don't quite know how. There were just so many hair raising moments that I had to try and cover up for one way or another.

But there were times when I didn't get away with it and the shame, humiliation and embarrassment were overwhelming. There was also almost zero tolerance for my condition even from family and many so called friends.

The only real exception was those with significant mental health problems who knew first hand what it was like to deal with these problems and was tolerant, understanding and empathetic as a consequence.

And the sneers and negative comments from so called friends and acquaintances about my association with these good and truly worthwhile people they called "losers".

I was fortunately in a financial position to retire by my mid 50's. By that time I had more than enough of the excitement of the business world with its accompanying stress.

These days it is much easier. When I need time out I just hit the computer off button.

Regards

Willy

Hi @it_is_Cold ,

I’m here for you. It’s okay to feel like you are struggling. Everyone has struggled at one point or another in their life.

When you reach out here, i don’t find you a nuisance. I’ve been in a similar place. Trust me, I didn’t reach out because everything was great. I reached out because I needed it.

So people don’t reach out for the sake of reaching out. They do it because they feel they need it - and that won’t be forever,

You don’t have to be in this alone. Connection is so important.

Hi @it_is_Cold ,

How are you travelling? Hope you are okay.

Awwwww @it_is_Cold - hugs to you.

Could your strategy be termed distraction? or avoidance?

I remember saying something like that to my psychologist once. He turned around and said, "Yeah, and you keep thinking about the very thing you don't want to be thinking about!"

Fair enough...he's got a point.

So you have any professional supports since your diagnosis?

Oh @it_is_Cold , I should also say, no, I don't think it is dumb to not think about it.

I spent 10 years crying I think.... I don't cry much anymore. I think the past 'crying' was because of the utter emotional hurt I had inside of me. It was such a deep void that I couldn't shake.

I hope after so much therapy, I've grown a bit of an emotional skin at last!