Not Coping

I did go for a run today, went to the South Melbourne market and had brunch with my Aunt and Uncle. We were talking about my admission and what would happen.

Both of us are on the same thing today. I watched some sad videos and cried.

Today was alright till about five until I came home and started crying @creative_writer.

I had eggs benedict, it wasn't that good. I've been to other better places.

I didn't cry in front of them. I only do it in my room on my own.

Who will ask you questions, @creative_writer?

I'm a bit nervous about going inpatient on Tuesday. I hope it goes okay.

I hope you do, too 😀

Yeah, oh well @creative_writer

I was the same when I lived with my parents. So it's good and bad.

It's funny you mention medication which is one key factor why I am going in.

My uncle and aunt both said today, but what if they don't change it or if they think it's right? So I said it's not right because I am so much worse on this current one, and I can't stay on it. So they repeated it, but what if it's OK? When it isn't. So I hope I will get it looked at and changed because I need it to.

Exactly I'll tell them how every time I go on a new medication or have a dosage increase, my SI and depression gets way worse and take a long time to get better. I've been on this one for like two months, and it's been so bad.

I understand they can take 4-6 weeks to show any effect, but literally, from week two, they made me get so much worse.

I SH the other day, which isn't good. I'm disappointed in myself. I thought I could hold off. It's been like two ish months since I did it.

Do you have much on tomorrow @creative_writer? I have work from 12-7:30 and then I'll come home have some food finish packing and go to bed. I have to be at the hospital by 10:00 am on Tuesday.

Thank you @creative_writer

I'm sure you'll think of something.

I'm going to go to bed now my meds have kicked in, and I'm getting sleepy. I'll probably talk to you tomorrow.