Not Coping

It's the first time in like two months @Captain24.

It's so sad our relationship will never be the same. If I just had never told her that I was depressed that night when we went out for dinner, things could have been the same. It was all my fault for ending our relationship and making it so hard for her. I don't know why thinking about what happened in November brings up so many emotions for me right now.

Nothing wrong with telling family that you have depression. @Birdofparadise8

But in my experience some people, even family, will seem to step back once you do. And I think it's because they don't know what to do... ?

The irony is, neither do we!

One thing you need to remember @Birdofparadise8. is that she is only young. 15 if I remember correctly. As @Kyle1 said she didn’t know what to do or say.

As she matures you may have a close bond again.

Mmm, family, lol @Kyle1.

My parents don't get it. She doesn't get it. No one does. That's why I'm all alone.

Here is a re-cap so you can get the picture @Kyle1 sorry it's long.

This is what I said to her after she called me.

"I hope you have had a lovely start to your week and enjoyed your weekend. I just wanted to chat about your conversation with me last week. I am very proud that you are comfortable enough to reach out to me and voice your concerns regarding your mental health and how you are currently coping with the conversations we have been having.

Though I am still shocked and upset, I understand that you wanted to set some boundaries with me. However, I feel you're just making the decision, not including me. I find it unfair that you're calling the shots with the day and time that we can talk, as you didn't even ask if I'm even available on a Friday at 5:00 pm and limiting contact to half an hour a week makes me feel as though you don't want me apart of your life as I value the time we have been spending together.

I also wanted to know if setting this boundary means we can only talk for that 30 minutes on Friday or if we can chat at other times about the usual friendship stuff.

As you know, I already feel pretty lonely, and my depression is not good, but as you know, I have a psychologist and will start seeing a psychiatrist soon. I also have my aunt to talk to and a few friends at dancing, so I am managing the suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I understand that you don't want to discuss these issues, as they can be pretty confronting and scary. I just wanted you to know that it's okay that we don't talk about these things, as I have other people to support me with this.

I have valued the time we talked, not just about mental health. I'm not trying to have a go at you or anything; I want some clarification with setting the boundaries. I know you are going through a hard time yourself, but I want you to know that I am always here for you if you need anything. I love our friendship and how we have become so close over the past few years.

I hope you don't mind me reaching out and letting me voice my concerns with this, and I hope we can work something out together and continue to grow as friends. You should know my opinion to come to a fair agreement and understanding.

Lots of love, Laura"

Here is what she told me @Kyle1

"Hey Laura my week has been good, glad though it’s the week end.
Thank you for your letter and I hope you had a good day and didn’t get too wet with the rain.

In regards to your letter,
for clarification, I am not comfortable with any conversations about your mental health. I am setting boundaries I need, to feel comfortable with you. They are my personal boundaries.
I feel you have taken advantage of my time and my availability and my kind nature.

Text and conversation I like:
-positive topics
-positive updates on your life

Text and conversations I find impactful:
-Anything mental health(self-harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts.)
-excessive complaining about uni, family, friends.
-general negative demeanour

I still value your company and I want you a part of my life but I don’t know what our friendship would look like without the mental health issues.
I am available on Fridays between 5:00-5:30pm and this is when I can answer texts from you that were sent earlier in the week or texts on Friday or take your call."

So that's how our friendship ended and has never been the same since.

I know, but it still hurt @Captain24.

When I told her about my depression, she was very supportive. Then overnight, it just changed.

Ooh-kay...!

Sheez 😬 Is it frosty in here, or what?

Seems like something has changed for her, though: you guys spoke today, and it wasn't between 5 and 5:30. And it's not a Friday... @Birdofparadise8

Yeah, lol it was really hard at that time @Kyle1.

What do you mean by being frosty in here?

We haven't spoken in two months, and the first thing was about Easter and just a general chat. I can never be honest with her again about how I am feeling.

Your cousin spoke of only talking about positive things, but reading between the lines there seemed quite the opposite. Wasn't actually a warm response. It felt cold... @Birdofparadise8 And it sounds like you felt it, too...

I felt so hurt, @Kyle1. I felt so alone.

It even just hurts thinking about it now.

Yeah. It's not something you want to dwell on... Doesn't actually lift the spirits, does it?? @Birdofparadise8

It is cold and wet here today. But I still managed to drag myself to church. The pastor is a friend of mine, an older fellow, and he gave a great talk! I ended up helping out in the kids rumpus room, though, and missing half of the service. But it was great to help out. The children's mum looked rather frustrated, because her boys were getting loud, and I was so glad to help her hear the sermon today. So she sat out in the church while I baby sat. 🙂

But now it's midday and that awful lonesomeness feels like it's creeping in again...