Not Coping

Yeah @creative_writer I have to take a heap of supplements cause of my eating disorder, had to get 2 lots today, $65 later. I keep an eye on the chemist warehouse catalogue and usually stock up when they are on sale. But I was out of thiamine and it was low in hospital so had to pay full price… ouch.

Yeah, it did a little not sobbing anymore, so that's good. I was just so disappointed when I saw what the other counsellor wrote that I couldn't speak to my regular @creative_writer.

I felt so alone when I read that she wasn't available because I knew she was there and we had our connection. I felt absolutely devastated and so broken. I didn't know how much of an impact she had on me.

@Birdofparadise8

I'm wondering what it could be about the night time that brings this spiralling on, Laura? ...

Thank you, @creative_writer. I didn't realise how much it would hurt because I get to talk to her when she is on and I'm not feeling great. The person I spoke to was alright though she ended the chat abruptly. She asked if I was safe, and I said yes, and then she just said okay and left. I was just about to ask her if she could let my regular know and if she got my email, but now I will never know.

I did try not to think about spiralling, though, today @Kyle1. It's just being alone and having that time to meditate. Like I was waiting on the webchat to get through to my regular, I waited to see if I could speak to her, and then no, I could. So then I just started sobbing. I felt my risk and everything go so high, but after I talked to someone else, it has come back down a bit.

I think I first noticed I was feeling down on the train home, but I was trying to stay optimistic that nothing would happen, boy, was/am I wrong?

loneliness? ... do I understand it right? @Birdofparadise8

That and the rumination @Kyle1 the depression just seems to be an endless suffocating loop.

Oh that is absolutely for sure @creative_writer ! Healthcare is so expensive. I really feel for folks that have to fork out so much in full fees for everything. Medicare is great, but it hasn’t changed over the years much since it first came in.
I remember when I seen a psychiatrist through the PHN. It was bulk billed for me, but I looked at my online Medicare account and seen that it cost $700!! That was for like 40mins.

Im so beyond very grateful that community mental health took me on. I see a psychiatrist through there and can see her as much as I need. Like I went in to see my case manager one day and I was telling her how bad my sleep was and we just wandered down and knocked on my pdocs door and she was able to see me. I see my psychologist there every week. My case manager too, who I see up to 3 times a week, and someone from the team will come and do a home visit tomorrow and they called to check in with me today. I did DBT and a sensory modulation there also. All free. I know that so many other people need these services too. It truly sucks that so many people struggle to access these kind of things.

im seeing so many on my local mums Facebook page, they have kids that are ADHD and are turning 18, so going from a paediatrician to a psychiatrist and they either can’t afford it or can’t find one and they need to do it to keep their kids on their meds.

And so many people going to the ED cause they can’t afford to go to the GP anymore. There was standing room only when I was there last week. I sat for hours needing to go to the toilet but didn’t want to lose my seat!

accessing mental health support is becoming more and more difficult. The system is so very broken and needs serious attention.

sorry I rambled a lot then. But yes, it all adds up. My dietitian started charging a gap fee this year. I had to go from fortnightly to monthly appointments cause I just can’t afford it.

Hey @Bow

That is so good you get to see a pdoc like that. How did you get that? I'm trying through the community, but they only do once-off assessments.