So, where do I begin? @ENKELI
It's been about the end of June since I was last here. So, the month of July was hard because I didn't have work or uni. I did go home for a week and surprised Mum. I had a nice time, came back here and potterd around until uni started. I'm in week five of uni, and I'm studying biochemistry of genes and proteins, physics, sustainability challenges in science, and public health nutrition. All of them are going well so far. I am a bit behind on the physics unit, so I really need to catch up. I am enjoying the classes overall.
I've had a few issues with my psych over the past couple of weeks regarding session frequency and maybe becoming dependent on him.
Last week, during a session with my psychologist, we discussed the potential reduction of our sessions from weekly to fortnightly. This conversation deeply unsettled me because weekly sessions are crucial for my stability and support. Since that session, my emotional state has deteriorated significantly. I missed a class and have struggled to manage my daily life. I reached out to him to express my distress about the proposed change, highlighting how it has affected me and my ability to cope.
It was very hard, and from Thursday to Sunday, I was extremely suicidal and very scared. I am safe now with having uni and work. Today's session was very hard as we talked about it all, and I was pretty emotional, but I still didn't let myself cry. I didn't want to break down, I guess. I really wanted to cry, but I just couldn't. I don't know why. I don't know why I wasn't comfortable enough to cry. I honestly was really upset with my psych about how things had happened. He still didn't say sorry or anything today. I feel like I've wasted the past three weeks going over session frequency and how it's upset me so much.
In the end, we are still keeping the appointments as they are, except for a few weeks when he isn't free. Which also really upset me a couple of weeks back. I went to book for September, and the 1:45 pm session had already been taken. He let someone else take it even though he knows I have had that session all year and that I can't really do any other time due to uni on Thursday and Friday.
I'm not really sure what changed his mind, but oh well. He could really tell how sad I was today over the past week. I also seem to minimise everything that happened, but it's not like I was intentionally doing it i think I am just so used to doing it. It just happens. I think I'll ask him next week about that and me not being able to cry. Last week, I did get very close to today. I do think it's kind of funny. The most I get emotional is when it has to do with him. If I'm sitting there talking about the bullying or something else, I don't really feel anything.
Today, he said exactly what I wanted regarding the sessions and keeping things as they are. I can't quite remember what it was now, but he mentioned how hard things are at the moment, that I need support and that maybe he didn't fully realise how bad things have been.
Overall I think I'm a bit more comfortable about the whole session situation.
Honestly, I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I haven't been around, and I feel awful about it.
I hope you don't hate me because of it.
Your post
Oh, I'm so sorry, @ENKELI. How can I help? I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere. Can you share a photo of the diamond paintings?
Ah, are you on Centrelink job seeker or something?
I'm sorry your MH is not great at the moment.
Oh, @ENKELI, I'm sorry everything has been so hard for you. I hope our being able to connect again will help a little.
