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Something’s not right

Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Not Coping

Hey everyone how are you all?

@RiverSeal @Shaz51 @NatureLover @tyme @Former-Member @Eve7 @Former-Member @amber22 @Jynx @FloatingFeather

I'm not doing great at all today. I'm feeling down. I also keep beating myself up for everything and feel like I'm just failing. I need a break from everything. It's getting so hard that I don't know how to keep going anymore especially since I can't talk to anyone around me as they are leaving me or don't understand.

Hope you don’t mind me reaching out I just really need a chat and though I could come on here and vent and talk for a bit.

Thank you

24564 replies

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In response to: Not Coping

tymeModerator

Re: Not Coping

Did you go alone @Birdofparadise8 ?

In response to: Re: Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

I went with my mum @tyme

In response to: Re: Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

Hi @Blackbird11 @creative_writer @Jynx @Snowie @amber22 @ENKELI

How's everyone today?

I have a question: is it weird for a guy I'm talking to? To say "good girl" in a context that isn't something amazing. Like I was making a smoothie, he would say good girl, or I've locked the doors. It makes me feel like he thinks of me as a little child. I feel it would be alright if it was coming from my dad, but then he doesn't ever really say that. He also asked for my location once when I told him I was going to the botanical gardens. He knew where I was, and it was not like anything was going to happen. I shut that down and said I didn't need to give you my exact location as I was safe. I'm a very independent woman, and I'm no damsel in distress.

Does anyone think these are red flags I should be worried about?

In response to: Re: Not Coping

PizzaMondoSenior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

Hi there @Birdofparadise8

I just read your post and the first thing that came up for me was, "how did it make you feel?" when he said "good girl" and when he asked for your location?

I think this is important to consider.

Regarding someone asking for your location, for me, that would be a red flag, unless I was about to meet them and they're wondering where to come meet me if we didn't have a spot we already decided on to meet at.

If these statements/questions made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I would encourage you to consider what are YOUR personal red flags (for others).

Hope this can be helpful,
PizzaMondo 🙂

In response to: Re: Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

Hi @PizzaMondo

Yeah, I don't like it when he said that. I think, first off, I will let him know I don't like it and see what happens.

If he asks for my location, then I'll have a discussion around that as well. I don't want to end things straight away. However, if he doesn't respect what I say about these things, then I will end it.

Another thing is that both my roommates are back. They are nice. We seem to get along well, but they are both unpacking stuff and talking and at times, they are a bit loud. I like watching tv in the living room, but for some reason I feel very overwhelmed right now and I'm not sure why.

In response to: Re: Not Coping

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

@Birdofparadise8, I wouldn’t personally like someone to ask about my location if it was not necessary and would find someone saying “good girl” odd unless it was my dad, uncles etc. it depends on how it vibed with you, some people give of “red flag” vibes without even talking to them, I think it is a good idea to have a conversation around your expectations

In response to: Re: Not Coping

PizzaMondoSenior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

@Birdofparadise8 - I feel like that would be a good first step, I also believe that with clear communication from the get-go, it can prevent misunderstandings also. Especially expectations of each other, like how @creative_writer suggested.

It is important that they take the time to hear and understand you, that is what you, and each one of us deserves from another after all! 🙂

I'm wondering for the time being, if you have some accomodations you could make for yourself - such as headphones to block out their talking? I think communication is highlighted here again.. how loud are they? Is it inconsiderate of you and others living at the property? Are they loud after hours when you are trying to sleep also? I'd encourage a conversation around this considering the questions above, it's never fun to have to live in a home with others and be walking on eggshells.. you have a right to your peace too 🙂

In response to: Re: Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

Yeah, I think that might be the best idea @creative_writer

I just went to the library and got four very thick and heavy anatomy books. My arms are dead, lol.

In response to: Re: Not Coping

Birdofparadise8Senior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

They aren't loud after hours, plus they both only came back today.

I was watching TV while they were unpacking, so I wouldn't say it was terrible.

I've just been to the library and got some books for uni, and they are so bloody heavy.

I don't want to lock myself in my room either because I don't want to be antisocial.

I think it's just because I feel like I'm going to cry, I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know why I am feeling sad, but I just am. @PizzaMondo

In response to: Re: Not Coping

PizzaMondoSenior Contributor

Re: Not Coping

I hear you @Birdofparadise8 - it sounds like your environment is contributing further to your feelings of sadness and overwhelm right now.. I know you stated you don't want to be antisocial right now, but I wonder if just for a bit, while your room mates also settle back in - if you would feel more comfortable being cosy in your room around the things you love!?

I'm also very curious about these books for uni.. text books?! I can imagine they're bricks 😛

What do you feel like might be helpful right now for you to feel a little less overwhelmed? I believe that when we 'feel like' we are going to cry.. maybe sometimes we need to let ourselves.. a cathartic cry is so powerful - often makes me feel better after I release a bit of that extra salt in my body 🙂
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