@Birdofparadise8 wrote:
Yeah, I guess so. I don't understand why she even does it. Have you ever had someone talk to you on the toilet @Jynx
Haha actually yes, all the time - and I do it to my friends too. But I don't actually care overly much, and plus I always check in with my friends first to make sure it's okay with them, otherwise I just pop em on hold. The main thing is that I check in first, which your mum isn't doing. So it's not okay for you, and that is fine! I reckon I'm probably a outlier.
Like @ENKELI said, setting boundaries and being firm on them is quite challenging to start off with. Especially since folks aren't used to you doing so, and may try to brush it off or ignore it. This is why it is incredibly important to be consistent! If you set a boundary, and then next time you are in that situation, you don't enforce it, then you're sending the message that your boundary is flexible or can be ignored.
Something that helped me is to conceptualise boundaries not as something that is aiming to restrict another person's behaviours (we can't control what others do, after all, only how we respond to it), but as a communication about what you're willing to tolerate. That's why I suggested you hang up on your mother - not to be rude to her, but because you aren't willing to tolerate her keeping you on the phone whilst she is on the loo.
We communicate our boundaries to others so that they're aware, and then they can choose to alter their behaviour in order to be respectful of our needs. If they don't alter their behaviour, we can alter ours instead, to ensure our needs are met. Conceptualising it this way has made a world of difference for me, because it means I no longer go out of my way to try to force someone to change, which can create a lot of conflict. It can also alert us to which people are unwilling to be respectful of our boundaries and our needs, and thus we can choose to reduce our interactions with those particular people where possible.
Just my two cents 😉
