Not Coping

Oh no, it's not pouring @tyme

Sunny, now it comes and goes today.

Yeah, last week, I got my results, and I failed my psych class. I was panicking all week. I contacted the unit head because I didn't see how I could fail, and because I had extra time, a few others went missing they must have misplaced it. It was an in-person exam. I ended up getting two distinctions and a credit for the psych I got a 68, so close to a distinction. Anyway, it wasn't an important unit.

Yikes! Bizarre. It makes you question their processes lol.

Anyway, at least you got your results. @Birdofparadise8

I know, so annoying @tyme

Did you read my question about repression?

@Birdofparadise8 saw this and thought of you 😃

I'll have a look when I can see it @ENKELI

How are you?

That is so good @ENKELI

I love it. I just got the other new magazine today which came out recently for the eras tour.

@Birdofparadise8 exciting news about the magazine. I bet you must be getting excited about the tour.

I'm okay. Got a hurtful SMS from my dad today. He seems to know how to push my buttons at just the right time. My fault I can't keep friends or hold down a job, that kind of thing. It's different when he needs to talk - he has depression and PTSD. It's like he builds me up just to watch me fall.

How's your day been?

Yes, I am bring on Feb @ENKELI

I had a session with my psych today. I told him about the burial of Granny. We talked about her. She was more of a mother figure in the emotional sense than my mother. So I'm greaving her like she was.

We talked about the difference between impression and repression. When I was at the funeral in September I would try not to cry because I didn't want to in front of Mum. My Dad and I were comforting her. We talked about how if my Mum had died and Granny had been there, she would have been comforting me. So, she is the mother-like figure emotionally. We talked about our strong connection and how she was such a wonderful person. I also repressed my emotions a lot because I didn't like showing my pain and crying. I wish I could, but I just don't seem to be able to. It was like last week after I finished the Facetime call; I was crying, and then again on Thursday for a lot of the day.

I don't know why I suppress or repress my emotions. My psych said you can laugh it off because that's what I always do when I don't want to feel how I'm feeling. It's so annoying.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that about your Dad. Did you tell him how he made you feel?

@Birdofparadise8 that's interesting. Is it just your mum you can't or don't show emotions around?
I am guarded when I talk to my mum about my MH issues because she doesn't really understand. She shows more empathy toward others, not so much me. I used to get upset about it but now I know it's not personal, she's not capable of showing emotion to her kids.

It sounds like you took on the maternal role for your mum and you were trying to comfort her, putting her needs above your own.

Have you asked your psych about why you might suppress/repress your feelings? You mentioned you were bullied for many years, maybe it's a defence mechanism?

I told my dad I was hurt by what he said and he implied that I should get over it and give him sympathy because his health is worse than mine. He's always been a self centred SOB but I thought he might actually have concern for me.

I don't really show my emotions to anyone. Maybe I might look sad infont of certain people, but I really don't like to show how I'm feeling. Neither of mine do Mum nor Dad. They just don't understand and don't seem to want to understand. I've offered a lot to help them, but they didn't take it.

I feel you there. I don't know why some people are like that.

He mentioned today that maybe I thought it was better not to show how I'm feeling because I didn't want to worry other people. I'm not 100% I think I'll go over it again next week.

Yeah, 13 long, painful years.

Omg, I'm so sorry that happened. Can I ask if he ever said anything nice to you (recently), and how much contact do you have with him?

What is SOB?