Not Coping

Have a look through the link @Birdofparadise8 (you might need to scroll down a bit to get to the explanation of the four diff attachment styles) - you might have an ambivalent attachment style like me. In the past when I've been super distressed, I absolutely craved being with other people, I'd practically beg them not to leave me because the idea of being alone was so painful. Then I started dating someone who had an avoidant attachment style, which meant that they would isolate when distressed. So you can imagine whenever we had any sort of conflict, it got VERY messy. I would be doing everything in my power to pull them closer to me, and the more I did so the more they'd pull away and refuse to interact. A very cyclical situation where we'd both be triggering each other with how we behaved when triggered.

Just musing on it since you were so curious about how creative_writer spoke of withdrawing when distressed.

Mmm, okay I'll have a look @Jynx

Yes, it's intriguing how different people crave different things. I hate feeling alone and when I don't have connection or someone to talk to when I'm sad or whatever, I feel so much worse.

Ambivalent attachment: These children become very distressed when a parent leaves. Ambivalent attachment style is considered uncommon, affecting an estimated 7% to 15% of U.S. children. As a result of poor parental availability, these children cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be there when they need them.

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Hmm, I feel like I'm both @Jynx.

Firstly, I don't get distressed when my parents leave, though I don't like it when others leave if I'm struggling.

However, I also avoid attachment to my parents because they aren't emotionally available to me, I also don't like talking about my MH with them as they don't understand and make it about themselves.

I'm a bit confused.

@Birdofparadise8 you can have different attachment styles surface in different situations! Also the parents leaving thing is more to do with what we're like as children. This obviously changes and develops as we mature.

So like, with my own parents I often do need space from them cos they can be a lot. But when it came to romantic or close personal relationships, very much craved that connection.

If your parents are emotionally unavailable, but still do provide some connection (like still saying they love you, still saying they do want to support you, stuff like that) it makes sense that you would then potentially develop the ambivalent style. It arises when the child's needs are only met sometimes, so the child learns to be constantly seeking that source of affection because they would sometimes get it. If the child never got it, they learn to just shut down and avoid even trying to connect because there's no point.

Right, okay, that makes more sense. Thank you @Jynx.

It's a bit tricky with all these different styles. I haven't had a romantic relationship before, so I'll have to wait and see for that one. Maybe once that developers, it might give me more insight.

Hi @Blackbird11

How are you?

Did work go okay and how was the movie?

Haha you remind me of my younger self @Birdofparadise8 - I was 25 when I had my first romantic relationship, and a whole bunch of stuff came out! Buuuut it also taught me a lot and paved the path for me to work through a lot of my attachment issues. I now have a lot of very healthy, securely attached relationships. So have hope! Your journey is far from over and whilst it might be a difficult path, if you keep doing the work it will be immensely rewarding.

Hahhah I hope so @Jynx

How old are you by the way?

Ealry 30's now @Birdofparadise8

Nice @Jynx

Do you have anything nice planned this weekend?