Not Coping

Cool @Birdofparadise8 . Your post? The one about you crying? I actually don't know how to respond to that one.

We often link crying to negative, but it's not so @Birdofparadise8 That's all I've got to say. So in other words, if nothing has actually happened, then let yourself cry.

Right okay @tyme

I don't like it, though. I'm crying because I'm sad, but I don't know why I'm sad.

Do you find it helpful to focus on the crying @Birdofparadise8 ? Or do you think it will be more helpful to focus on other things?

I read what your psych session was like. I'm wondering, while you are crying, what would it be like to focus on something small that you find yourself doing? e.g how does your shirt feel against your skin?

Just a thought. No pressure.

I've stoped now, but when I was crying, I was watching tv and eating or well trying to @tyme

Have you ever done the chocolate mindfulness task? @Birdofparadise8 You can use any food actually.

You put it in your mouth, then try and describe the sensations you feel - the smell, taste texture.

When I first did it with dark chocolate, I nearly chocked because I'm so used to gulping things down... I had to use all my might not to swallow!!

Give it a go next time. All these little things will soon make sense. I'm really glad you found this psych.... I hope it means things will improve faster and without the need for ECT etc.... YOU CAN DO IT!

No, I haven't heard of it. I've got some chocolate here. I should try it now, hahaha.

It's good to have some practice without the guilt @tyme

I think maybe overall I'm not as bad as when I went into hospital or when I, you know.

I haven't had any SI thoughts since leaving. I was so scared that it was going to happen.

Yes, I'm so lucky to have him. He has been great. It's hard, but it's for the best. He likes putting pressure on me. I do feel guilty when he asks me how I feel or where I feel it, and I say I don't know. I just don't know.

What do you mean these little things will make sense soon?

Yes, I do too. However, I am able to go back and have it if I need it after exams. Let's hope I don't.

You are on the right track @Birdofparadise8 . I don't believe anything is 'going wrong'. I think it's just part of transitioning into a big scary world.

As for 'things will soon make sense', I mean that all the ups and downs and all the strategies will all come together to show that this is life. It's not because you are bad or something is wrong.

I acknowledge growing pains are hard, but you'll look back in 10 years time and realise it's worth it.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Embrace every psych session and see each session as your last. You never know when a psych will move on.

Growing pains? I'm not growing anymore. That's past. I stopped in grade seven. Though emotionally, I've grown a lot in the past eight years. Since grade seven, that was a time I don't want to go back to, maybe even more so in the past two.

You do realise my depression stems back from 13 years of non-stop bullying. I haven't chosen to feel the way I do.

When they sometimes tell you that you are not good enough, they hate you, they say you are worthless, a waste of space. After some time, you begin to believe that. So, because of all the negative things people have said to me it has led me to believe they are true.

Also, rejection, abandonment, suppression of my emotions, etc. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.

What do you mean, move on? Do you think he will leave me? NO. I've had that happen three times in the past two years. I don't want to start again with someone else. He said he was here to help me. Should I ask him if he will leave? Do you mean leaving where he practises or not wanting to see me as a client?

I'm not sure if you can read how I'm looking right now. Well, you don't know what I look like, hahaha., That's making me panic when you say that. Sorry.

I've booked all the way to Feb @tyme

No no.... @Birdofparadise8

Growing pains as in emotionally and mentally... not physically.

As for him leaving... I'm not saying he is leaving, but it's good to treat each session as the last so that you are not over-reliant on people. It has to come from you. Otherwise it will hurt more if one day he is sick and can't see you, or there's a change of circumstances.

I'm not sure if we are on the same page. I'm not saying anything in a bad way. I actually think you are doing really well.