Not Coping

I'm glad having a shower and listening to music helped.

Are you finding the admission helpful at all? @Birdofparadise8

The last thing you'd want is for you to feel worse upon discharge after spend a few weeks in hospital. That's certainly not the goal of an admission. I'm wondering if the time between now and discharge, you can come up with a discharge plan so you still feel supported in the community?

The med change is good. I like my Pdoc. She is lovely, and the nurses are helpful, but I don't want to bother them with how I'm feeling. I know if someone was to come in right now, watching me cry. I would stop and say everything is fine, which is a disservice to me, and I need to work on that.

I can come back in November for ECT if I'm still not improving as I didn't want to do it while I have exams.

My Pdoc did that when we had a family meeting on Thursday, but there is a lot more to talk about with my aunt and uncle. A lot has happened since we last spoke. I had breakfast with my uncle to talk about what I did and a lot of other things. It was mentioned that we need to tell my parents, so we had a Zoom call together the next day—my parents, uncle and aunt @tyme

Having ECT is a big step @Birdofparadise8 . I hope you make an informed decision and know that you have exhausted all other avenues.

I know a year or 2 with MH challenges seem long to you, but in the scheme of things, it's only the beginning. Ask the questions you need, and hopefully you can discuss it with your team and maybe aunt and uncle. No pressure of course.

I will only have the ECT if I'm still feeling really depressed and if my SI is bad. My Pdoc would need to get an assessment and then I would need to see a different psych for a second opinion as they are the ECT doctors.

I told her about my worries and she didn't seem too concerned. I don't know. I'll have to sit down with my aunt and uncle once I'm discharged to keep me safe. They seem to want my parents involved, but I really don't want that.

My new psychologist seemed a bit annoyed when I mentioned it to him on Wednesday and said that it's taking away from doing the work happening to talk about it, but I'm like I can't help being suicidal it's not like I chooses to feel like this.

Overall ECT would be better very high SI @tyme

As long as you make an informed decision. @Birdofparadise8

Why do you say that, though? @tyme, don't you think I should have it? It's better to give that a go than act on my thoughts. I am safe right now in my hospital bed. I'm coming up with a safety plan.

I've also sent you two emails, the reply to what you sent and something else.

It's not my place to say whether you should or shouldn't have it @Birdofparadise8 . It just good to make an informed decision 🙂

Anyway, I'm off now. We'll chat another day. Please take care.

All my family and the Pdoc have agreed. We will wait a few weeks and see how things go after exams and if I'm still as bad as I am. Then I'll come back for a review and the ECT psych will access me to help form a treatment plan.

I think if it's going to help, it's worth the memory loss. I want my life back. I'm seeing my new psych and we are making small progress, but it's just hard opening up to him. I think having him, KHL, my uncle, aunt and keeping up with exercise and eating well will all help @tyme

Yeah okay, have a good night. I hope to see you around on the weekend if you are.

Hugs @Birdofparadise8

You do have some thinking there about ECT my friend xxx

Yeah, so I'll see how I feel after exams around the 15th of November and see if I'm coping at home I will decide if I will come back here.

Have you had it or know someone who has had it @Shaz51