@Birdofparadise8 perhaps just saying "I'm not really sure why, and that's kind of part of what is so distressing" and maybe tell them you're looking for some support to help you better understand your emotions, rather than just trying to find a reason for them.
Yeah I do hun, because it was a fundamental part of my recovery - learning to be kind to myself, to forgive myself, and to help me instill a sense of self-worth and personal value that I had been lacking for nearly a decade. It was really hard work, but I cannot express to you how much it paid off.
I struggled with it too hun. You gotta work at it. Every day. Some days are harder than others, but persistence is key. And it can be a bit of a snowball effect too - once I started to accept myself more, it came through in how I interacted with others and with the world around me. I started to notice more positive feedback; i.e. my behaviour subtly started to shift, which meant it became easier to make friends and find people who actively wanted to spend time with me, which in turn made it easier to build more self-worth. So it was agonisingly slow at first but it got faster and I made progress more quickly as I continued to put in the work.
Everyone's journey is different of course, but I hope yours might follow a similar pattern as you go along 😊
