Anxiety and Work

Hey @Emmylou, what a stressful situation for you all!

Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am Sunshineandsea, one of the Peer Support Workers.

Caring for someone with complex needs can bring a lot of competing and intense emotional and practical strain. Sounds like your family are in the thick of it 💔. It can be hard to prioritise and plan during these times, like the housing. And unfortunately, assistance can be slow. Maybe the three of you would benefit from sitting down making a list of each of your needs and concerns at the moment and start to make a short term plan? Sometimes, for the carers, making a plan (even if day by day) can feel like you're getting somewhere and allow you a sense of control. This can be very important when things feel so out of control.

I am a full time carer for my son and sometimes have huge waves of change and uncertainty. These times can create high stress situations, emotionally, mentally, physically, in relationships, financially.... pretty much on every level of your life. It can be very exhausting too. Make sure you and your sister make time for yourselves and those beautiful little children too. It can be easy to get caught up in being "responsible" for everyone else but you are just as important 💝

Please keep chatting and keep us updated,

Sunshineandsea xx

Thank you Sunshineandsea,

Yes when working as a nurse it’s hard to care for family in tough situations as well, just that emotional load. But I’m making sure myself and my sister have some me time- she’s so stubborn and says she has no time 😑

Your advice and kind words are very helpful!

I’ll definitely sit down with them and maybe work out even just one goal my Brother in law and sister want to achieve for that day or week, thanks!

It is good to spend time with my nieces and play xx

Yep, the innocence of children can be such an escape, even if brief. Play should never be something that is shamed as immature. I love playing.... who wouldn't?? I caught my son-in-law playing with the pretend kitchen long after the kids had left it yesterday. He was sitting cross legged making ice-creams. It was one if the best things I have seen in a long time.

And regarding your sister, sometimes the adrenalin can keep us going. The people around us can see the fallout before we can. Keep an eye on her, try not to push her, but just be there xx

@Emmylou

I would encourage him to keep in close contact with his support team - his medical team, Psychologist, whoever he talks to.

Maybe he needs a less demanding job longer term?

Could he move roles? To something less stressful just to stay in the workforce? Many workplaces have an employee assististant program (EAP). Is this available? Has he explored this?

Not being able to stay in paid work will have conseqences.

Your sister may need explore paid daycare to allow her to return to work futime. Or to return to study towards a better paid career. She may need to evaluate what rent she can afford on one income.

Hey @Emmylou,

Checking in to see how things went for your family today xx

Aww thanks Sunshineandsea,

Their Mental health team and crisis team met up with my sister and her family, I couldn’t be there (was at work). Mentioned some steps. Monitoring my brother in law over the weekend.

My sisters and I do want to organise a family meeting just so supervision and goals can be organised, and extra assistance- my sister has a few applications that need to be completed come Monday.

thanks for checking in 😋 I’m focusing on some quiet time this morning (worked night) then help later today and tomorrow.

Hi Bea,

yes we are trying to make sure he keeps visiting his Psychologist. And community health team and is on the wait list for Psychiatrists.

His work has been super supportive placing him on a Return to work program where he gradually increases hours and workload. Right now he is doing simple tasks. Just says he cannot do it (doesn’t specify why) just a lot of “I can’t I can’t”.

We are trying hard to help him think positively. I just don’t know if his work will give him a third chance! Drs recommend another month off work.

this job was a good one that he did enjoy, paid well. My sisters is very flexible and supportive also of her.

So tough!

My sister cannot afford extra day care but is thinking about increasing to four days a week next year. Just can’t right now until 5yr old starts school. Then the little one can go to day care three-four days a week.

Grandparents have been great support but are feeling burnt out themselves and have their own health plans.

So yeah! Great points that we have thought through.

just heartbreaking when things were doing so well! Events and emotions come spiralling back to throw us off course.

I don’t know how carers do it 24/7 as a nurse I have the luxury of going home and sleeping like after tonight’s shift!

but my sister cannot even find a moment for herself. I’ve tried to help just so she can get a shower in!

I have high praise for spouses, brothers, sisters, children, parents all carers! Who are there for their loved ones all the time! Such strong and kind people!

Your BIL seems to have good health support team & a strong supportive family too 😊.

Once a child starts school, the burden of childcare costs can drop. There is uniform to buy + other costs but often just 1-2 outfits can be purchased to start. Good 2nd hand items are often available soon after school starts as kids grow fast. Approaching the school about payment plans for fees can help plus they can advice on any Govt offers to assist. Approaching banks for payment plans for any debts, checking if any utilities/phones could be on better deals could help maybe?