Not so sure if this is the right forum

Hi @Kaydens

I like your name!

Welcome to the forums😊

Thankyou for taking the time to open up & share your story. It can be scary talking about things here to 'strangers' & putting yourself 'out there'.

I think you did a great job explaining what is happening for you at the moment & parts of what you revealed are brave imo.

I'm sorry you lost a person that was very dear to you. The way that you described an emptiness in being unable to share beautiful travelling experiences with your loved one is difficult to read & feels honest.

I don't know that there are any real answers to grief. Expressing how you are feeling on here, or in any way you feel comfortable, could be a way to help process the sadness & loss you have been carrying all these years. Is counselling something you have tried, or considered? I have not personally had any experience with grief counseling, but it might be helpful seeking professional opinion?

It sounds like you might have had a moment of realisation, upon discovering that money could not solve everything. Or, perhaps your mind was happily distracted whilst attaining financial security, & now that you are successful - your mind has more time to think?

Anniversaries of loss are particularly difficult for many. In a sense, we relive moments, even though they happened years before. Being mentally strong is powerful & fantastic. It doesn't mean we are immune from pain. Perhaps we have learnt better coping strategies, however, there is no strategy that is foolproof! I guess what I am saying, is that everything you describe sounds very normal. It does sound like you are experiencing pain & heartbreak - & for whatever reason it- this time, for you it feels more raw, worse than you are used to.

That is ok too.

Do you feel safe?

You mentioned thoughts that felt scary to you.

Are you having thoughts to harm yourself?

Do you have plans to harm yourself?

It is ok to have these thoughts. It's also very important that you stay safe. I'm going to list some of the crisis numbers for you. It might be a good idea to talk to someone if you are having these thoughts.

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467. 

I'm going to tag some peer workers who might be able to help you further.

Take care @Kaydens

@tyme @Former-Member

You know, I've been thinking a lot about the actualization level of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. It's often framed as a bi-product of the other four levels being fulfilled. Thing is, I can think of people who are struggling with food and shelter and wouldn't be able to get through what they need to get through without considerable actualization.

It's been known to "make people", also been known to burn people out to the point of things like resignation syndrome and other breaking points. At the same time, those who know comfort tend to find ways to actively challenge that comfort.

Maybe actualization isn't the fifth need. Maybe it's the first one, the pyramid's actual foundation. Seems that way sometimes.

Hey @Kaydens ,

Just so the other members get your replies, I'm going to tag them by typing "@" in front of their name. Like this,

@maddison @wellwellwellnez . This will ensure they receive a notification.

@Kaydens @I really feel that you need to find someone to talk to about this. There is nothing wrong with missing a person but it seems that you feel that it’s affecting your ability to enjoy your life.

There is no time limit on grief. It’s is important that you can talk to someone about it though so you can start to process what has happened.

I get a strong feeling that you are trapped in a loop and are struggling with the loss.

maybe a good therapist can help you work though this with you?

@Kaydens I think you are very good at talking about your feelings from what I have read in your posts. It is clear that this loss has had a massive impact in your life. You have already done a massive step in posting about it here on the forums.

A good therapist will not push you and will allow you to talk about as much as you are ready to.

please keep talking to safe and supportive people. Don’t bottle it up. When you get around to finding a good therapist I think it will be of great benefit