Parent & grandparent alienation

@Elke888

Welcome to the forum and I hope you find some sense of connecting and sharing and support.

It is definitely a painful situation which seems to becoming more frequent. I have experienced it from a number of positions. Now that I understand more about Parental Alienation Syndrome I reflect on my childhood and see how my mother used me to do that with my father before he died. At the time I believed it was just that I we were same sex and should be closer, but she never really wanted closeness, only dominance. Sadly it can play out in future generations.

Finding your own reasons for living can be a struggle but is possible.

I will tag @Historylover in case she has something to offer ...

Tag me anytime to talk ...

Good Luck

Apple

@Appleblossom

Hello,

Thank you for your contact.

Yes, I can relate to the same with my mother.

Fortunately, I realised this just prior to my father’s passing and was able to have a reasonable five years of my father’s love, albeit there was also my sister who had an enormous influence over him, which was also a struggle.

Yes, it seems, well in my case also, that alienation is inter-generational, a case of déjà vu/ history repeating itself with one seemingly common denominator ‘narcissism’.

Life is a struggle but, yes, there are always corners to turn.

Bless 🌸🌸

Hello @Elke888. Very similar situation here. Unfortunately, I have nothing to offer.

Everyone's situation is different. For me, as briefly as I can make it, my ex-h ran off with a co-worker and I had to make the unenviable choice to relinquish my daughters so that they would not be torn between us–and they would have been. And they'd have thought it fun, as they do still. Power! I thought it would force a correction, but I was naive. My situation was not just between my ex-h and me, it involved grandparents and very dysfunctional family relationships. Everything was so dysfunctional that we could not live in the same state as our parents, and everyone in my birth family is scattered. Family weddings are isolated events and no-one from the family is present. Hostilities all around.

I have been cast in a very bad light to take the heat off their abandoning father and the adulterers. The lies, deceptions and betrayals are astounding and I can do nothing to defend myself. I'm the demon.

Anyway, that was decades ago and although I thought there would be a reconciliation, this has not occurred at any level. My daughters grew up, married, divorced, re-married (at least one of them), had 5 children between them, and I've never met any of them.

I don't feel anything anymore. One lives quite close by, the other close enough, by car.

There's nothing I can do to change the situation. It takes both sides respectfully co-operating for that to work, and they are just having fun with the power they think they have over me.

I am totally isolated too. I trust no-one because in the real world, I have found no-one to trust. I keep busy doing things in my life that help me grow as a person, even if no-one else cares. I make the most of my life in my circumstances, which is all any of us can do, in any life circumstance.

So, @Elke888, I am truly sorry that this has happened to you. You're right, it is child abuse, and there should be laws against it. It's also grandparent abuse–and, in my family, that's what it was supposed to be. It's just a disgusting situation.

There's nothing else I can say. I am sorry if this comes across as all about me. There is no other way I could reply to your post. I wish you well. I hope a way to resolve your situation presents in the not too distant future. I wish you well.

@Elke888

... but there are corners to turn. Yes.

@Historylover as usual has a lot to offer. Wish she believed that more. History Lover I understand your scapegoating now better with this last post. I have seen power dynamics as you describe.

Keep walking with dignity and find some worth in life.

Hi there @Elke888 ❤️

Welcome to the forums, and thank you so much for posting here about how you are feeling, and what you are going through. I can already see that you have gotten so much support, and I'm sure there will be plenty more members who can relate to what you are experiencing right now.

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through some isolation, and alienation from the people in your life. I can see that it has really hurt you, and that is so understandably valid. Although I cannot fully relate to the extent and severity that you are experiencing, I am very familiar to the feeling of alienation from certain family members. It can be really upsetting knowing that they live so close, yet you don't feel welcome to see them, or that you know they don't want anything to do with you right now. I really hope that you are feeling safe, as I know this can be extremely lonely and confusing (especially after such a long time for you).

There was an incident that occurred within my family that left half of the family to not speak to the other half anymore. Although I am grateful that I still have some of them by my side, and that I stuck to what I truly believed in, it is really upsetting to know that the other half of my family do not want to communicate with us anymore. It is really hard to drive past their suburb, and not be able to see or speak to them anymore, and it can be really isolating at times.

In saying this, I really hope that you feel comfortable to seek professional help if you need to ensure that you are safe, and to help you through this. Even though it has been 20+ years, it is never too late to start working alongside a mental health professional to help heal what has hurt you in the past, and to try guide you in your present.

You're not alone and we are here for you on the forums to listen ❤️

Warm regards,

Amber22

thank you @Historylover and @Appleblossom. I really appreciate your vulnerability is sharing and building connection out of truly devastating situations. ❤️

How are you going today @Elke888?

@Historylover

Thank you for sharing your story.

My situation resonates with yours, so so much. I, too, relinquished my custodian rights for the sake of my 3 children’s wishes at the time. I was also very naive to believe that the dust would settle, and all would be fine in the future.

Alas, they were groomed further to believe I abandoned them because I did not love them. I know you understand what goes on and how alienation works. etc etc
It took a long time to realise I had been groomed to believe I was unworthy and deserved nothing.

Such a long and involved process how we reach that point.

So very sad that your beautiful children lost time with their mother, just as I have experienced.

The courts acknowledge Alienation but fail to act, Law seems to favour unsavoury characters in this world as they continue to abuse the minds of the vulnerable and innocent.

I too, trust no one, this way I feel safer.

I wish you all the very best.

🌸🤗

This story is about you,