Alcoholic 27 yr old son with Brain Injury

Hey @Kath67, welcome to the forums. I'm TuxedoCat, one of the peer-moderators here. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you've been holding a lot of big feelings and worry for your son and his dad ❤️

It must be frustrating knowing that the situation could change if your son got some help, but maybe doesn't realise this. And maybe scary anticipating that he could become violent, but not being able to control what could happen. I know there are others here who might have similar experiences to share ❤️

I thought I'd share a few resources for you

• A little while back SANE hosted a Topic Tuesday event on the topic of Alcohol. You might be able to find some helpful advice here

• Hello Sunday is a helpful site that may be able to provide you with some further support to:
  https://hellosundaymorning.org/helping-friends-family/

• Family Drug Support Australia website and phone number: 1300 368 186. They also have a range of fact-sheets

Is this the kind of thing you're looking for?

And if there comes a time when you need to call 000 to keep safe, it can be a really difficult decision. Not one that anyone would make lightly. But the safety of everyone is super important ❤️

As a parent of adult children I can understand your angst but we need to realise and accept that our adult children are adults and have a right to determine their own destiny regardless of whether or not that fits in with our own ideas, ideals or standards.
If your son doesn't want help with what you see as his drinking/anger/stress problems, then that is his right.
There are a number of us on this web site, some with serious mental health problems who are angry and frustrated by government, medical and other authorities who at the moment are able to enforce involuntary treatment and sometimes even confinement on us because we don't measure up to someone else's arbitrary social standards.
People with drinking/ anger/stress or other mental health problems are still human beings with rights.

That includes the right to refuse help or treatment. It is also fairly common knowledge in the mental health world that until a person realises that they have a problem and reach out for help for themselves, nothing is likely to change. From what you say it sounds like your son is not yet at that point of self realisation.

Regards

Willy

Hi @Kath67 ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling, which has then had ripple effects on others.

Does your son have NDIS? I'm not sure of the severity of your son's acquired brain injury, but is he able to work, say in a supported workplace etc? Hopefully, this will help him have some independence and hope for the future?

My thoughts are with you. I look forward to hearing from you.

You are welcome to tag me into your replies by typing "@" in front of my name e.g. @tyme , @Kath67

Cheers, tyme

@Kath67 Hi i also have a family member with a brain injury who uses alcohol to cope with anxiety and stress. they also dont want to see anyone about it and get angry and dismissive if this is even mentioned i am afraid that as your son is an adult you cannot force him to seek treatment. if it is too much for you to cope with then i suggest setting strict boundaries with him in terms of expected behaviour and such when you are together. you have a right to take care of yourself too. sorry i am not much help.

Hi @Kath67,

My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. I just finished reading your post and my heart goes out to you, your son and your family. It sounds like you have all gone through some really hard times over the years and have had a lot to cope with.

It's always hard to help someone who doesn't want / doesn't think they need help. As a parent of adult children I understand how hard and sad it can be when you see your child suffering and they can't or won't let you help them.

Does you son go to a regular GP? If he does maybe you could call / visit the GP and discuss what is going on with your son so that if and when your son next visit's the GP perhaps the GP could engage him in a conversation around this (whilst keeping your confidence). Just so that the GP has some insight around what is going on that perhaps he/she isn't aware of?

I am also concerned about you. Do you have someone you can talk to and feel supported by around this? This seems like a lot to take on by yourself. As someone that has been a carer for a family member with a serious mental health issue for more than 20 years (and at times in the past I have felt physically and verbally threatened) I feel I have a little understanding of what you are going through.

I think a lot of the time when we are carers for people, particularly family members, we may prioritise our loved one's needs so much that we may forget that we are also going through something very challenging and need support. This is a link around being a carer https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers/helping-others-and-yourself. This is another link around support for carers https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers/what-support-is-available-for-carers.

I really do wish you all the best and hope you can find some support that you all need during this hard time.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather