Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2016, 7:10 pm AEDT

Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Creating a space here for us to share our Grief and Loss experiences. All kinds but mostly bereavement.
- Tell us about your loss?
- What 3 things you miss most?
- What would you like to tell friends to say, do or be - to lighten the load?
- What have you learned about loss that you didn't know before?
- Do you have any quotes, links, books, organisations etc, related to loss, that you'd like to pass onto others?
___
WHAT IS GRIEF?
GRIEF: The normal process of reacting to a loss. Loss is subjective but usually the loss is: Physical Loss (such as a death), Social Loss (such as divorce), or Occupational Loss (such as a job or an established role & purpose). Emotions distress to Grief & Loss can include anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, sadness, and despair.

240 replies

201 - 210 of 240

1...20 21 22...24

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember28 Jan 2017, 11:53 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember28 Jan 2017, 11:56 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember28 Jan 2017, 11:58 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

DecadianSenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 8:04 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

@Former-Member

I love all your candles - they are beautiful

You have had such a rough time lately - being with your parents and having them treat you so roughly - I don't know how you did it - you are a much better person than I am

It may seem - maybe it is the case - that the chain is broken - but really - is it. Although we can't see those we have dearly and deeply loved who have died - we can't see them - feel them - we still love them - and how do we know that they can't see us, hear us - still love us - and watch over us

The little candle I burned for you lasted a long time - and I had it burning all night - and it still has plently of candle wax in the jar to burn again - and I have another one if needed

Lots of love Tawney - I wonder if you are still driving or if you are home yet - lots of love and remember the kindred spirits -

Death cannot break the chain between a mother and her child - it just seems to be the case

Maybe someone with art-skills can make that into a card -

Dec

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 2:00 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Dear @Appleblossom

Apple.

That is a beautiful image of your father lighting candles.

Thanks.

Check out @Former-Member s pictures. ARen't they so nice too. Two people expressing candles.

Anne

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor29 Jan 2017, 2:01 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Thank you @Former-Member

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember30 Jan 2017, 9:55 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember09 Feb 2017, 11:55 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Hi @Appleblossom, hope you don't mind me bringing you over to this thread. I have been thinking about this 'Coroners Report' about your sister that you have understandably put off reading. I'm wondering what to say? What I would do? Do do? Firstly - I'm so glad to hear you being 'kind to yourself' and sensible. and that you have insight enough to know you're not ready yet. Very good.

I have often wondered if I should apply for the detailed autopsy / coroners findings for my girl, but i just can't. What difference will it make? Guess I was present when she died, saw what happened, and know. And really, the brief 'summary' of findings that i WAS already given just upset me more (eg she aspirated (during the asthma attack) - did i turn her over soon enough? the ambos stuffed up? i shouldnt have let her eat the chicken wraps that late at night..." ). The adrenalin pumps, along with anger, and fear ans fight fliggt kicks in and i want to run away, DO SOMETHING TO REVERSE IT, STOP IT, FIX IT! But i cant! It just adds just adds to the pain. And then, when I'm settled, numb and defeated, again, I conclude "what difference will it make anyway?

Its so hard. Think you're strong get than me, campaigning as you do, fighting for 'justice' for those who can't speak. I can only blame me, an imperfect world and Gods will. After years of family court battles I just broken, can't do it anymore. One has to be strong and level headed and emotionless to take on the system. I am not that person and don't have the money to pay someone. Yes the ambulance service & paramedics made mistakes too, but when their first comeback is "you were in shock, your perception was altered" and when police reports record the time my friend bought her home that night as different to mine. Well, its not accurate from where i stand. And that hurts. Nobody hears me because I am emotional. Again i tell myself, what's the point? Won't bring her back...

So, as you see, its a bit of a 'trigger' for me, but I care, and have given much thought to your delemma with opening the coroners report and feel for you.

Just wanted you to know
Take care forum sister
Big hug xox

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Feb 2017, 5:12 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

@Former-Member

3 main points .. cos its not the day for me to go into this deeply.

i) THANK YOU for thinking about my issues enough to be coherent and considerate.

I am not stronger than you just different circumstances. I have no idea how I would cope with cradling my daughter the way you did and how that effected the way your life went ... after she passed ... that takes real courage & strength .. I did something like that with my brother who died a long time ago... but different relationship and totally different circumstances.

ii) The first coroners report I applied for was to understand my father's death as it was the one of the ways I could be active and no-one else would talk or even cared enough to know ... It confirmed and continued a lifetime of gradual document research through FOI into my family. It was an act of looking back 15 years after his death and probably partly due to my employment as public servant that it even seemed relevant. In your case it is probably not necessary. It also connected me to my brothers struggles as he had started the inquiry by getting dad's death certificate. It is the sort of thing you do if you care .. not all .. Bah .. forget him .. he is better off dead .. in that emotional climate .. we both needed some adult resolution about our father and his life & death. he had no other family members alive .. so in that context .. it made a lot of sense. Collecting departmental papers about my family became something I did. Then it became interesting as in the Forgotten Australian or Clan movements .. getting access to files .. was the thing that everybody was trying for ..

iii) Emotions! Sorry it triggered you.

Some triggering is helpful and other times .. it is just unecessary retraumatisation ... hmm .. if only we can tell ... I became sorry when older women would preface things by .. saying .. "I get too emotional" or "I am over emotional" ... and put themselves down ..where is the level right? For god's sake .. death of a child .. is the best reason I ever heard.

I had 2 files received in quick succession regarding my sister. I spent a while reading her wardship file .. it had been a long while that I had foccues on her and it felt right and I had to wait so long for legal reasons .. but there is NO URGENCY .. .now regarding her .. the urgency was when she was still alive .. so I can put off the other file til my son is solidly ok .. and I have enough emotional stability to cope looking at it ..without concern... I might do it around one of her anniversaries as a sign of respect .. and to contain .. my inevitable triggering .. so that it doesnt take over my life .. and interfere with my son's life .. the way it did in actual real time .. when all the stuff actually happened. I just feel I owe it to her .. no-one knows or cares about her .. apart from the SCANDAL .. its just in my memory ... maybe its like you had to go back to help out your family .. a personal conscience thing .. not a guilt thing .. but telling her I care enough to get re-triggered a bit .. to more fully understand the situation. Its now 30 years since she did it ...

Please @Former-Member there can no be comparisons .. re strength ..

grief and spirituality operate in another realm .. where comparison is meaningless ..

I am probably really wimpy in many things ... its just the way my life evolved .. and coming to a fuller understanding has given my life meaning .. and helped me over bumps in the road.

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2017, 6:55 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

You're right @Appleblossom, with grief, and so many of lifes big moments, comparisons are futile I guess everyone is so very different, unique. We understand each other I think. Thanks for your post. In memory of our lost...

201 - 210 of 240

1...20 21 22...24