Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Hi @Appleblossom

That's right! Early grief is a very greedy emotion - it seems to have a life of its own and is consuming - sucking the life itself from us as we survive each day, hour, minute with emotional pain eating our heart and absorbing any energy we might have for itself

And it must make us look greedy - because our resources are drain by the emotions of grief - stealing our appetite or taking any pleasure from our food by making us eat more - stealing our sleep, our peace, our love for other people - consuming everything around us and leaving nothing but the aching void.

No matter how hard we try to focus on what we have left, who we have left - early grief takes over, The loss is so destructive I could liken it to a bushfire and we ourselves need time to regenerate before we can focus on those around us who are grieving too

My dd seems to resent me for my involvement with my son - I understand she could feel this way and I have let her feel that way - she doesn't want to talk about it - and that's okay - but it must have been terrible for her too and now - as you say about Tawney's son - he was all alone - and maybe dd feels the same - but she certainly has more people in her life than I do

And I am comfortable with the people in my life being few - I get along with nearly everyone - finding people interesting - and they come and go from their own lives and bring more to the conversational table than those we live with - surely it varies

Siblling death is beginning to be acknowledged - it was not always so - when I was seeing The Compassionate Friends they were becoming open to sibling death and also loss of grandchildren

You have had a lot of loss Apple - and yes - now it is time for you to grieve those who have gone ahead - that greedy grief of the early times do not leave much over for other people - as much as we would want to - what an immense concept

Early grief is greedy - it is a personification of an emotion that wants everything for itself - and it is an emotion - it is not ourselves

Decadian

HI @Former-Member

There are many things from many sources that give me an extra struggle when it comes to grief - I believe in prayers, candles and flowers - and hard to describe - I believe in colours too

But the most soothing as been what you wrote something like - someone will come forth from the shuffling crowds and say "Hi" and it is like cold water running over a burn.

How many times have we done that - kitchen work often involves burns and how quickly we will run cold water over a burn - and feel the healing of it run through the layers of our skin - easing the pain we know will return if we take our hand away too soon.

And I agonise every time someone mentions a cup of tea. Something in my heart stops. Tea!! In my past I drank gallons of the stuff with 2 teaspoons of sugar in every cup and I was as thin as a rake - now - it tastes horrible.

When did that happen and why -

However - my thought this morning is that we all have special things we do for ourselves when we grieve - and after my son died I drank gallons of orange and mango juice - who knows why - but that was on my mind constantly - and yet I rarely drink that now.

But there were people who would step forth from the shuffling crowd with words that would help - and among them a young man who knew my son - he stopped me in the street and told me he had decided to clean up his own life - and years later I found he had - he had his teeth repaired and got a good job and married his girlfriend and best of all - was bursting with pride over his new baby son.

For me - to this day - that young man's change of direction in his life is like soothing cold water on the burn of my grief.

We never know who we will touch in the course of our journey and who will touch us - but it is wonderful that people do step forward

Thanks for that comment @Former-Member - for me - it's beautiful