Thinking out loud to my online 'family'.

I find the so-called 'mentally ill' so often the only place I can find people who are more than skin deep, who actually think intelligently, and feel, and consider others.

@Appleblossom, are you saying that your birth family was encumbered with shame, rejection, poverty and pain? I hadn't previously concluded that, but if so, so was mine. Broken people. It destroys self-respect and dignity, and the desire to belong to it. I tried to make something of myself, to not accept that being a 'loser' was my lot in life.

In my brother's e-mails of last year, he said that I 'lived in an ivory tower' and always thought myself better. Better than a broken loser in a family of broken losers? I am better, and so are they! I aspired to being better than a loser! And I went through hell to achieve it while my birth family went from bad to worse. I have achieved what I wanted to share with all of them and help them to achieve, but they don't want me. They are comfortable as losers. They are unchallenged, avoid responsibilities, and life hurts but it's better than trying to work through the mess of our family for them, apparently. Three sibs who don't speak to each other or to their own children. They've dropped down the social ladder and allowed our detractors to get away with our destruction. We relate like oil and water. And how I miss them all, and that innate sense of belonging. What can I say?

@Historylover Yes to the shame poverty and neglect in my birth family. Significant homelessness when I was 6 culminating in both parents hospitalised and we 4 kids placed in state care. I can live with my choices. (edited to remove identifying personal info)

Regarding living in an ideal world. The world of books and music was a LOT better than the world outside my head. I am practical enough to be aware of that and attend to material matters. Sometimes it can be about social aspiration. I am in weird situation where the one "friend" I have from childhood was always richer than me/us (new clothes and furniture) but always rougher and less educated, and drunk and swore a lot. It was not my family's way. Maybe they swore in another language and I missed all that ...

Find your narrative and live out the rest of your life with dignity.

Recently I reflected on some of your earlier posts, and it is important for me not to be naieve and keep in my memory the limitations of most people. I thought History Lover is right ... about being careful of viper's nests. At first I thought it was a bit extreme, but I need to be adult enough not to be surprised and caught out by other's problems. The social world is a mess. We are what we are.

Good talking with you.

@Appleblossom, I can't find our recent conversation about my difficulty with my teachers, but I just wanted to update you on the results of my recent assessment. I got a distinction and a very pleasant comment. I think they are realizing that I'm not out of my depth and taking up their more valuable time. So, I'm feeling a lot more positive about it all now.

I hope all is well with you. I've started early on my Aboriginal Studies course and am finding it engrossing. My mind boggles about what they have had to endure. I don't know how they have been able to. Cheers @Appleblossom. Stay well.

Hi @Historylover

Congratulations on your distinction! That's awesome. I'm so glad you are feeling more positive about it now and feel validated by your teachers. I hope it continues for you.

I agree about Aboriginal people and what they have had to endure. In my uni courses I had to do a few units similar to this one you mention and I was proudest about my HD for those units. It was so important to me as a white person that I get my head around the issues they have faced. Good luck with the continuation of the course!

Hanami

Congratulations @Historylover Glad you have some recognition.

My path has crossed with many indigenous people over the years.

Its important their stories are told, and they are talented with story and yarning …

My day has gone up and down and up so far .. with 2 good conversations and a bit of a physical workout.

Keep being you. Everyone else is already taken.

Thanks @Appleblossom. Just thought I'd keep you updated on the outcome. I'm always aiming for the HD but D will do. It's not far off. I hope your day is soon more up than down. I'm currently fiddling with PowerPoint. Clever. Take care.

Hey @chibam. I haven't seen you about. Are we good?

Very much so, @Historylover !😃 I hope I haven't given you cause to believe otherwise?

I tend to dip in and out of SANE, tbh. So I'm sorry if I've missed anything you've posted. I don't always have the oomph to be on here. Seems like it's just a sea of people trudging through dark days, reaching out for help; but I find I can rarely offer any. Just a repetition of their own woes (or similar), and a comparable confusion about how they can be fixed. 😕

@chibam. I know what you mean re trudging through dark days. I've been deep in my own, and to be honest, just can't get out of them anymore, so I'm not good company. I hope you're doing alright. And I agree re not being able to know how to help, or what to say. We can't, can we? Most of the time, I leave it to those who feel they may have a better connection to the problem, otherwise I'm just saying the same thing over and over–and I can't help myself!

Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you. I've missed you about. You cannot imagine the delight I've had in our interactions over the past couple of years, in my most difficult times. You've brought a happy smile to my face on so many occasions, and out-loud, joyful laughter from my soul on others.

Anyway, just sending best wishes and hope all is well with you. Cheers.😊

@Historylover Congratulations on your distinction!