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Struggling and hiding it inside.

Loz_3647Senior Contributor31 Aug 2022, 7:52 pm AEST

Struggling and hiding it inside.

So truth is, I'm struggling hard and I have been keeping it all in. I have stopped reaching out for help, because it seems pointless and when I have reached out, it has got me nowhere. I feel so alone. But truth is, it's a scary place to be. I have been having intense thoughts of hurting myself and putting an end to the way I feel. Life feels like it is collapsing in of me and I feel so broken inside. I really don't know where to turn (except for here...maybe). I've tried Beyondblue, Lifeline, Suicide Call Back, GP, case manager, etc. But i get absolutely no where - it seems that nobody gets it and there is no answer. I feel like i sound like a broken record. I don't want to go into the reasons why I feel like this (theres too much), but I just can't deal anymore. Things have only gotten worse, not better. And I really don't think they will. I've never felt this hopeless. There seems to be no point anymore. Sorry for this kind of post, but I'm at a loss.

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In response to: Struggling and hiding it inside.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor02 Sept 2022, 11:52 am AEST

Re: Struggling and hiding it inside.

I know how things can't get worse but still manage to, @Loz_3647

Well, we're a fine pair aren't we? I'm alone too, that's why I use my time in study. I can't change things so I'm just trying to make the most of them.

In response to: Struggling and hiding it inside.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor03 Sept 2022, 7:37 am AEST

Re: Struggling and hiding it inside.

Hello @Loz_3647. I just wanted to check in on you as we are treading such bummers of paths.

I woke up feeling absolutely miserable but received a birthday email from my niece–the only member of my tribe I am in contact with. We only rekindled contact over the past two years, just for our birthdays, but it has been nice. So it doesn't take a lot to give us a little lift. Just a bit of human decency.

I hope you get a little lift soon, too, @Loz_3647. We all need them.

Hoping today is tolerable for you. I will spend my birthday grocery shopping and then back studying. Do you have any plans for a better day today? Mine will be ordinary at best, but it's another day. Sending my very best wishes to you @Loz_3647. I hope you're doing alright and wish I could do more to let you know we care about you and understand where you're coming from.

In response to: Struggling and hiding it inside.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor04 Sept 2022, 7:23 am AEST

Re: Struggling and hiding it inside.

Just letting you know I'm thinking of you @Loz_3647. I hope you're able to put one foot in front of the other. That's what I'm trying to do. Sending best wishes.

In response to: Struggling and hiding it inside.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor04 Sept 2022, 10:54 am AEST

Re: Struggling and hiding it inside.

@Loz_3647, for what it's worth, I'll tell you what is currently working for me on my good days...Life is like riding a bicycle, when we stop peddling we fall off.

For me that means to never stop trying to achieve something, to learn something new. If I can't get on top of my current despair, I want my life to go on for as long as possible because there is still so much I want to achieve and, if possible, I don't want to miss this opportunity for my one-and-only life to have been worth something.

I wanted to finish my last assignment. Achieved. Now I want to wait to get my grade. Waiting. (I'm a mature-aged, online student). I had wanted to reach my birthday yesterday. Achieved. Now I want to get started on my next assignment, I want to get my ironing done (!) and there is a new series coming to television in the next few weeks that I want to see. There is always something that keeps me going a little longer, and who knows...maybe good things are just around the corner. If not, I hope to just keep peddling for as long as I can.

It currently seems that if we have goals, we can continue to make our lives matter, to make them mean something. This makes us feel as though we have worth, purpose and direction.

On bad days, I'm not peddling, so I force myself back on my bike. Today is reasonable. I've found something worthwhile to do. I hope you can too.

I send you my thoughts and best wishes @Loz_3647. I hope you are OK today.

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