Friends

Depends on who you call 'friends' @L12 .

People check-in with me, but I don't make time to respond. If anything, I'd like time to myself in the evenings so my 'pain' is a bit different to yours.

Do you reach out to check in with people?

tyme

@tyme i understand each person is different in terms of what they need. I guess I just hear conversations in the media of “oh I wish they’d spoke up or told me what was going on for them”. I’ve done that, and it’s been mostly silence. It’s just disappointing as I’m always there for each of those friends.

I hear you @L12 - it's so challenging and draining to always be reaching out and receive limited even 'hello's in return. I know other forums members have experienced something similar.

Humans thrive on connection and belonging. I can see how difficult it is to 'belong' if hardly anyone even says hello.

Do you have networking social groups in your area? I know my council has so many different 'groups' to help the community. These are all free. e.g. walking group, coffee and chat group, language group, movie group, knitting group. Perhaps try your council?

I also know my area provides zumba, pilates, meditation, kickboxing, women's shed, men's shed. These are all group to help the community engage.

Any thoughts?

@tyme some really great suggestions. I think for me though, it’s having close friends to open up to. I finally opened up about my mental health and to No hear from my friends, I feel a bit upset.

I will have a think about community groups though. It just feels a bit hard right now to make small talk with people I don’t know.

Hugs @L12 ,

It sounds like you approached your friends with the expectation that they'd respond in a way that you find helpful. I guess, for many, not only are they 'busy' with their own lives, but they also feel out of their depth when it comes to talking about MH.

I know I would be. I think it takes specific skills/experience to be able to support someone with their mental health.

I've had MH training which supports my peer support work - however, a few years ago, I'd probably run the other way. Not because I don't like the person, but honestly, I wouldn't know what to do!

Hi @L12 , I reckon @tyme is right and people don't know how to deal with MH issues. Not their own and not other people's. It scares them so they back off.

I reckon we can try to educate people gently...like saying, "I've been really depressed, but my psychologist gave me some strategies and I'm working through those." That way you're not putting it all on your friend to "fix", you're bringing up and normalising MH issues, plus you're giving them something to go on for future, so they can ask something like, "Are those strategies working for your depression?" without feeling that they need to go into it too deeply, if it scares them.

I find that this helps people at work, even if they don't tell me so. For instance, more than one person has sidled up to me at work when I'm alone and asked me how someone goes about getting a psychologist. So you're helping people by being open, they just might not admit it.

It may not help you in getting immediate support from your friends though...it may take years of you being open with them for them to respond to you...the stigma is real sadly.

@NatureLover yes, you and @tyme makes some good points. The thing is, I have done what you’ve said, I’ve been open with them about seeing the psychologist and hopefully that and the medication will help me. I have only just started the journey with the psychologist. And these people are very open and comfortable about talking about mental health. I know that, because we do it in our line of work, and I’ve discussed their mental health with them before. I honestly don’t think it’s them being uncomfortable.

I don't have answers for you @L12 .

Sometimes, people are open to talking about mental health, but may find it 'too close to home' if they speak to someone they know well? Do you think?

I hope you will be able to find other ways to connect with people outside work.

Let me know how you go. I look forward to hearing about it.

tyme

@L12 I'm sorry to read that your friends do know how to discuss MI, but aren't doing it with you 😞

I don't know what to say...it must be really hard for you 😞

I can only hope that they will come around to talk about it with you at some point.

@NatureLover @tyme I decided to reach out to two of them to check on them (I can’t help it). Both have had a lot on. One asked me how I am, and so I was was honest and they apologised for not checking in on me. I get it, they are genuinely very flat out. I just replied I know they are busy. I guess it’s a little hard to take sometimes, when I would make sure I was checking in on someone. I have a busy life too.

Anyway, it’s nothing I can control. I’ll see how it goes over time. I have a very supportive partner and my mum has been checking in on me.

Thank you both for your support in letting me vent a bit.