Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-MemberI’ve learnt to not cry over time because I’ve always been told I was too sensitive. It felt safer to not cry because nobody would judge me crying. I’ve resorted to crying alone at times, and have mastered the skill of silent sobbing. I don’t feel comfortable with falling on someone and letting myself cry. I do have family around but don’t know how to talk to them.

The build up isn’t healthy for me but it’s what I’ve done for years. It may as well worsen my existing mood disorder. I’ve been told my current symptoms are consistent with depressive episode and complex ptsd. My psychiatrist wanted to put me on an additional mood stabiliser for depression because things have been out of whack.

Xx

You need to do what is within your comfort levels, no matter where they have come from. Self protection is an unbelievably necessary skill. You do what you feel comfortable and safe doing. As long as someone is just around makes me feel better for you. No need to share this difficult time with them, but just to have someone close by.

How do you feel about the medication for mood @creative_writer? Is it something you might try?

X

@Former-MemberI guess knowing how anxious and overprotective my parents are often puts me off from telling them a lot of things. My siblings are both younger.

I am already on depression and bipolar medication. Just having another one added is daunting. The psychiatrist was super keen on having me on more, didn’t actual give me a choice to decide but said that I need more because it’s bipolar disorder. I spoke to my GP today who said it is totally up to me.

x

It's good that you have a team of people to discuss all this with and get a collective viewpoint. Medication can be a scary thing to take, especially if you are feeling fragile and don't know how it might make you feel. Must be so hard to navigate it all 💚 @creative_writer

Yes, I also feel that it needs to be an open and respectful relationship. I think that everything needs to be weighed up as these are complex issues and it is someone's day to day (in this case yours!).

Is it difficult to find Psychs where you are? Maybe you could discuss options about how to address this with your Psych from your GP @creative_writer ?

You are very wise @creative_writer. Your understanding of MI is amazing and your approaches to others (like you Psych) are very foundational 💜

I read about this topic once. The article explained about how we seek approval from authority figures and that includes professionals, especially Doctors or people in uniforms that represent authority, like police and army. The article went on to explain that parents and guardians are our first authority figures as evolutionarily they help us to survive in the wild and then they teach you safety and danger. In the modern world the doctors and police etc are seen as safe and to be trusted. The article said it was a throwback to our primal senses.

Not sure how accurate that is but you post made me think about it. But you're right, autonomy needs to be exercised when working on self care, after who knows more about us than ourselves??

@creative_writer