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Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Oct 2022, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Bow take it slowly. Recovering from an ED is a process. I’ve never been diagnosed with a ED but I’ve had issues with disordered eating before, even that took a while for me to get out of. I haven’t even told my professional supports about it because I guess I’ve been so embarrassed by it. I’m still somewhat OCD about food portions, and eating only healthy food. I can finally not drown in guilt if I can’t exercise due to illness. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for you, but EDs seem so hard and so easy to relapse back into.

I feel so old already. Though people would always consider late 20s young. People go on about how you have your life ahead of you and how much you can still do.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

BowSenior Contributor09 Oct 2022, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Thanks for your understanding @creative_writer it means a lot. Yes, Recovery is hard..,, relapses happen so easily… hard to see a future without this monster screaming in my ear.

im sorry that you have struggled with disordered eating…. So many people do. Glad that it doesn’t have such a tight grip of you now though.

I’ll be 40 in April…. And I feel OLD! My body feels old! Your still a spring chicken!

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 12:55 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Bow disordered eating is so common. I had to deactivate Instagram because it was bad for my mental health. It made me feel like I had to look like those supermodels you see in magazines. We are surrounded by fitness culture, and we are told what we should and shouldn't eat, it affects many of us without us even realising it. Something we should be mindful of. You're hardly old, but I feel MI does exhaust our bodies. I hope as you recover you start feeling more energised and happier in yourself.

I have put my blinds back down, I seem to be agitated and activated too and natural light is making it worse right now. Don't know if that's part of BP. I don't know if I'm going back into a mixed state, but SI has increased.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 1:22 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I'm sorry to read you feel like SI is increasing for you @creative_writer. It sounds like things are difficult for you at the moment - I really hope these feelings subside for you very soon.

I have sent you an email to check in with you around your safety. If you could reply when you can it would be much appreciated.

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 3:40 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@FloatingFeather I’m feeling sort of fed up but still going on right now. I feel like I have to SH though, these feelings are too overwhelming, maybe it’ll help me resist more damaging SI urges.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 4:22 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Hi @creative_writer,

I'm really sorry to read you are feeling like this and you are struggling with thoughts of SH at the moment. I have sent you an email to check in with you. Please respond when you can.

Please know that we care about you and we are here for you.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 5:25 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@FloatingFeather life has turned upside down today. I have a pressie and test at uni tom. And I’m always scared of being triggered at uni. I feel so lonely there too, I can’t seem to connect with people. My head feels heavy and achy, I have a god awful migraine now. My mind has been too scattered to properly do things today, lots of racing thoughts. I feel like I’m stuck in the past too, how are you supposed to move on from a painful past? My self worth is broken, I am damaged from SA. I come from a very conservative background too, I have never been in a relationship and being physical was a no brainer.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I think I am having a mixed mood episode again, I thought it had gotten better but here I am again. It's been so miserable. I hadn't even realised that I had sped up so much until my parents told me to slow down.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Captain24Senior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 7:05 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Sounds like things are really tough for you @creative_writer . I hope you can get through tomorrow without to much triggering

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

PaperdaisySenior Contributor10 Oct 2022, 7:12 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@creative_writer it sounds like things are confusing right now. You seem to be under a lot of pressure with uni and that can have an impact on us. Is it impacting your sleep? I know when I don't get enough sleep I really suffer. I would encourage you to reach out to your professional supports, as between the two of you, hopefully you can work out what is going on. It is hard for us to know here.

Please take care

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