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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
I hear you @creative_writer It can feel helpless sometimes. I'm checking in with you via email 💝
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Paperdaisy I responded the the email. Just lying down in bed right now, really exhausted from the chaos in my mind. At least my psych appointment is tom morning. I am a mess. Even my cousin can see my unhelpful spiralling thought patterns. I don’t know why I try to convince myself that it was my fault.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Feeling a bit better emotionally. it’s been a bit rough physically too. Migraine was so unbearable earlier today, at least it’s doing better now. It’s still tough. I spoke to my psych which was helpful. But I do have something about the trauma stuck in my mind, I can’t say what because I do not want to trigger anyone.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
This is going to sound crazy, but it’s just how I’ve been coping. Sometimes when I don’t have anyone to turn to, I close my eyes and imagine that I am with a safe person (that I completely created because nobody like that exists) who holds me, validates me and reminds me I am not broken, damaged and unloveable. I know it’s essentially me talking to my own self.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I think I may been too open when talking to the SANE helpline service. Can’t exactly take the words back now. I’m so ashamed 😞.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hey @creative_writer, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling ashamed about that. What do you mean by you think you shared too much?
❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member, while I didn’t create a vivid image of what happened during the trauma, I said more than I ever have with SANE helpline. I wouldn’t even post about the conversation I had with my psych on here because it was very confronting.
❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
😞
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Sitting with pain is so hard😢. I don’t want to have to sit with it, but do I have any other reasonable choice?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I’m not sure what I need. Tried reaching out, still feel heavy. Do I need to release? But how do I realise something that feels impossible to release? I just feel so low and if I don’t act fast, I risk spiralling into a dangerous place.
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