Struggling: TW suicide

I can’t wait until the evening to sleep. This pain is torture 😢.

When you posted it was warm, I was confused thinking, 'but it feels cool for me!'...duh! I had the air con on! @creative_writer .

What's happening tonight that's so difficult tonight?

@tyme sort of feeling fed up with feeling so low. I know PRN is not meant to be taken routinely, but I feel more stable if I take it, so might need it for a while until things settle down a bit. I took PRN for a couple of days, stopped because I thought I was doing better, and ended up getting worse. If it keeps me alive, then I’ll take it, at least until GP appointment.

Hey @creative_writer ,

In terms of the PRN meds, it's probably good to speak to your prescribing doctor. What I'm thinking is if the PRN helps you feel calmer, maybe rather than being a PRN, it can be part of your daily meds?

For me, a med was first given as a PRN, and later prescribed to take daily. Then when I felt ready, I asked the dr to drop it, and go back to having it as a PRN.

Best to speak to them. I guess you can do it with some meds, but not all.

@tyme I was able to get a GP appointment on Thursday. I initially made it on Wednesday, but then realised it clashed with my counselling appointment. Hopefully, by then, I will be able to confirm with the psychiatrist that he is taking new patients, so can get a referral. I did try to contact the acute community mental health team today but wasn't able to get a hold of anyone, they are another alternative I could ask about medication.

Though I am pretty sure the PRN can be added to my normal meds, I am already taking prescribed antipsychotics, and the PRN is to only take an extra small tablet of those.

Yeah, that was the same case with me @creative_writer . I took my PRN regularly, so they just upped my regular dose. Then later, i told them when I didn't feel i needed it.

To be honest, I'm really pleased I took meds even though I was so resistant in the beginning. It allowed me to be stable enough to receive the talking therapy I needed.

Once I had that changed mindset, I think everything sort of fell into place. Takes time.

@tyme I do take a lot of meds, 4 different types, it's insane. I really didn't want to take more medication, but I don't see any other way right now. It'll give me some space to heal my inner wounds and make changes in my life. After all, I don't think my social anxiety and C-PTSD help my bipolar symptoms. The thing about having multiple mental illnesses is, they feed into each other, creating a perfect storm.

Hearing you @creative_writer ! Back then, I was taking heaps of meds. Slowly, with my recovery, I've gone off more meds. It's been really helpful to have the meds when I needed it most, then slowly tapering them with dr's advice.

Main lived experience advice is to do it veryyyyy slowly.

I used to feel i was innately wrong because I relied on meds. Later, someone said to me: just lie your body gets sick, so does the mind. If you take meds for physical sickness, why not for mental illness?

Do you stay in your room most of the day?

@tyme I do want to be able to reduce my medication at some point, but I may always need to be careful with my triggers like stress, having a routine, and taking care of my sleep. I feel there is so much stigma around taking medication for mental health. I can feel my parents' discomfort around how much I am taking too pretty frequently. But then again, they sort of blame antidepressants for making me into a human yoyo since I wasn't like this before. I guess I always had the predisposition. But I think how things turned out left them confused, neither of them have experienced mood swings like me, my mum just has a history of depression. Though I think they are both anxiety prone.

Yeah, I stay in my room a lot. I think I just feel safer in bed. Probably not the most healthy thing though. I don't know how to get out, particularly when I spiral, I want to be left on my own.

Hearing what you are saying @creative_writer . Of course it would be great if we didn't need meds. But there is also a time that we may need that extra support. And yes, once we learn more about how to manage stressors (including strats), we may be able to reduce meds including PRNs.

Please don't rush it. Have the end goal that you will be well rather than the end goal being to be off meds. Do you think so?

Also, I'll be logging off soon. I really appreciated your chat tonight. I'm not on the next few days but will see you later in the week. Does that sound okay?

I really care about you and want to see you survive and thrive. Here's a hug from me 🙂