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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
@Eve7 that’s true. I think this is one of the few spaces I can really be open. In real life, it’s like I need to be on guard. Even when I am at home. It’s exhausting. But it’s what I know. It’s impossible to feel safe with PTSD. It would be nice, to have one person in my person life who understood enough, and held my hand while I healed myself, even though I feel like I should be doing this alone because it’s my shit.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I am terrified of my own head. These memories won’t leave 😢.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Loz_3647Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Same. I re-live it all and I go through waves of it being worse at times (like now). I often feel like the person from my past is watching me and like I can see them in the room, and yet I now live in a different country...and it still gets me. It's really bad in my head rn. But tbh, i also live with someone has caused ptsd. And its not just the c-ptsd, but everything else is really getting to me and driving these thoughts....I've seriously had enough
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Loz_3647 it is hard being in that headspace surrounded by trauma, feelings of depression. I’m sorry to hear that you live with someone who has caused your ptsd, that would be so hard. Sending you a virtual hug ❤️. I am here to sit with you.
In response to: Struggling: TW suicide
Loz_3647Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Battling it too but don't know how long I can hold on for.....it's a rough road for sure....
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Loz_3647 it can be hard to hold on at times. Some days are worse then others too. Sometimes it can feel like you are holding onto the last thread. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with this for so long, what helps you get through all those tough moments?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so hard but my heart keeps hurting. My next psych appointment is in a month, she is away. So I guess I’ll sit with these unsaid words until then. I’m too scared to discuss these dark things with helplines, friends, family, or my temporary counsellor because I don’t want to make things worse for me. I just sit here, hoping this nightmare will come to an end.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Loz_3647Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Won't have to deal with them for much longer...
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Loz_3647 are you okay? Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
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