Hi @Milicent
I'm so glad you reached out. I have been in similar place to you and it feels hopeless and desperate.
I'll try to list a few things that have helped me.
I started part of my journey with this book
I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment
Book by Xavier Amador
It's a bit old fashioned, however I found it useful in the way it explains the importance of being an ally. My situation did not change, however, I did get peace of mind & reassurance.
When you say that your son has periods of being very unwell, I'm wondering how long these last? Have you considered calling triage/CAT/ITT during these times to have him assessed? Could this possible lead to him being able to be linked in with a community mental health team?
I assume he has been on a CTO & stopped his meds when it ended. This is very common in my experiencing, & heartbreaking. Don't give up hope. I believe behaviours can change. He probably realises, on some level, that he is actually self medicating with the alcohol. It is very sad, as the alcohol changes people's personalities, & is probably clouding his insight further. I can understand why you say, you can no longer help him.
These forums have also helped me incredibly. I feel so much less isolated by connecting with other carers & also other members who are struggling or have lived experience of mental illness. It can help me gain perspective and insight into my own situation.
Reaching out, & educating myself has helped
me feel empowered & impacted my own Mental health in a positive way. I am learning that I cannot force another person to behave in a responsible & mentally healthy way. It's ok to let go. To me, it's different than giving up. The goal is to arm myself with as many resources as possible, engage professional support & make myself strong, so that I can be strong if they ever decide they need me.