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Unsure of what to do next.

EnginegiantContributor15 July 2022, 4:18 pm AEST

Unsure of what to do next.

G'day, this is my first post, so I hope I've got it right.

I have been in the role of caring for a lady with Bipolar disorder and PTSD for a bit over 5 years, with 4 of those seeing us in a loving relationship. My partner has suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather, her elder brother and her husband who also added physical abuse into the mix. When I met this lady, she was in the process of being destroyed by her then partner, who left her financially destitute and emotionally damaged.

I took her in to my home (her ex had her evicted after he had bled her dry financially) and together we proceeded to rebuild her life and get her the help she needed. We entered a relationship. Our relationship was trouble free, however the road we travelled was bumpy, with self harm being an all too familiar friend for quite a while. You get the idea.

Move forward to last Wednesday and I kissed her goodbye at 7:15 as I left for work. At 5:03 I received a message saying that she loved me but couldn't stay any longer and that she was sorry and she was putting herself in the care of the health professionals.

Naturally tried both home phone and mobile. No response. I arrived home about 15 minutes later to find she had taken her dog, her cat, some clothes etc. I rang the hospital, who had no record of her. I rang our GP to advise him and finally I rang the Police who eventually tracked her down, but did not say where she was, but that she was safe.

I have subsequently found out that she had told a friend of hers that she was "escaping a severely emotionally abusive relationship."

You don't know me and I could well be telling you lies, but that was definitely not the case, nor has it ever been under my roof. I have subsequently received several emails from her full of apologies and professing her love for me and hoping that I don't hate her. Initially there were references to wanting to be dead, however the last communications were free from those references. It is my belief that she is in the mental health ward as a voluntary patient. My replies have all been of a reassuring nature and have made it clear that she always has a home with me and for her to talk when she is ready. I have made no attempt to visit her as I feel that A, I probably wouldn't get near her if there is the slightest hint of the abuse word and B, I feel she is most likely too fragile at present.

I have updated the GP and her Psychologist. There was no clear indication that I can think of that even remotely hinted this storm was brewing, in fact things seemed to be on the up a bit with her having a few personal successes lately.

Has anyone else here experienced anything like this? Have I and am I handling this situation the best way I can. I love this lady and want her to get the best care she can.

Right now I am so confused and unsure as to what to do, so I am sitting back waiting for her next communication.

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In response to: Unsure of what to do next.

MDTSenior Contributor17 July 2022, 3:55 pm AEST

Re: Unsure of what to do next.

All the best @Enginegiant
Take care and I hope for the best outcome for your bothv

In response to: Re: Unsure of what to do next.

EnginegiantContributor23 July 2022, 12:34 pm AEST

Re: Unsure of what to do next.

For those that want or are interested in an update.

Well, here we are effectively one week on from the beginning of this story. While everything is far from sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, there is some positivity.

The email contact between my partner and myself is far more regular and while a personal visit from me is not yet a reality, my partner has allowed/asked me to sort a few things out for her and is being as open as she can be (9 different meds at high doses are fogging her brain).

No doubt, she is doing it tough. I am pleased to say that at no stage in any of the email conversations has and negativity been directed my way.

My partner has 3 main voices in her head at present, (I have been aware of the existence of these voices for years, but they had been quiet for the last 2 to 3 years), these are a little girl that is sweet and needs to be protected, who I suspect is a manifestation of how my partner saw herself during years of abuse, and "the twins." The twins are 2 girls that are not at all nice and seem to hate anything good in my partner's life. The twins want her to stop emailing me, but she is fighting them and continues contact.

In a nutshell, it appears that we have experienced a massive breakout of her condition/s and we now need to claw back the lost ground. I suspect my partner doesn't want me to see her this way and in any case, my presence would likely send the twins ballistic, which will not help the noise in her head. I have asked for permission to speak to the staff to see how she's going, but at this point my partner would prefer that I didn't (I'm not totally sure that she properly understood the question at the time), so I will respect her wishes.

My gut feeling is that things are headed in the right direction and now we just have to travel the path. I am hoping that I can visit within the next fortnight or so, fingers crossed.

From what my partner has told me so far, the psych ward/wing sounds like a very interesting environment, noisy and with some not so nice residents, although she has made several friends. What worries me a little is that many of the patients seem to want to diagnose her conditions - ah, you've probably got this..... or you're definitely.........., my partner doesn't seem to be buying into it, which is good, but I think I'd be more comfortable if she was in a quieter atmosphere. Then again, the noise and activity could possibly distract her from her inner demons a bit.

At least I can do something to be useful now.

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