How to talk to family

How do you talk to family about your mental health; your suicidal thoughts and how you’re not coping?

I’m in my 50’s and married for 35 yrs. Three adult children.
hubby and I have never been great communicators. We can talk about general stuff eg house or kids but when it comes to feelings, emotions or in depth conversations we fail badly.

for me I think it’s because of my past childhood sexual abuse. I am very jittery when it comes to intimacy. I have depression anxiety and BPD.

since my abuse came out 11 yrs ago I have pretty much kept to myself and not being very open with hubby or the kids. I only show my true self when I see my doctor, psychologist and psychiatrist.

the other day I saw my doctor and told him about my suicidal thoughts and how I’m a burden to my family. He asked me if I have spoken to my family to which I said no.
he said I need to start sharing even a little bit to my hubby and daughter.

so I came home and as I was crying all the way it was obvious I wasn’t good. Hubby asked how I went. I told him not good. Told him we have no money to pay my rego and started to cry. He didn’t say anything just that we need to ask our boys for some money. Then he and my son went for a walk. Left me cooking dinner and still emotional. I ended up calling a friend and told her how I was and crying on the phone.

tbe next day my daughter took me out and I told her I’m the car that my mental health wasn’t great. To which I got no response. I told my doctor yesterday and he was really shocked that my hubby and daughter didn’t say anything.

i was then thinking last night that gee maybe they don’t care about me. Maybe I’m too much for them. Or they don't want to know.

how hard is it to communicate? Very hard.
i felt so vulnerable in telling them how I am but I was sad I got no response.

my negative thoughts are saying yo me - they probably wouldn’t miss me if I did go. How do you tell them I’m having suicide thoughts without worrying them.
Or do I sh to show them.

communication is tough. I don’t know how else to let them know.