Life Changes and Grief and Loss

Dear @Rosie7174 ,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for your bravery in reaching out to our SANE forums' community. I hear there is so much going on for you at the moment.

You have made tremendous effort in phoning Lifeline as well as making an appointment with your GP.

I'm sorry to hear that things are quite challenging for you at the moment in terms of your family affairs. Do you feel safe at the moment in terms of seeing your brother vacates the property? If in danger, please contact 000.

Another option, you are welcome to contact a SANE counsellor as part of our drop-in service. They are available Mon-Fri 10am to 10pm (AEST). 1800 187 263 (however, please note they are not a crisis service).

As for your own health and wellbeing at this time, I know you mentioned you feel very alone in this situation. Despite not having friends, are you able to confide in your partner? It is good to have someone to lend you an ear, even if they can't solve the problems. Besides the house, there is also the grief you are dealing with at the moment, and it is important you have the support you deserve to help you through this difficult time.

I'm sure other members will also be able to add to this thread and share their experiences which may encourage you to power on, though hard it may be.

Sitting with you,

tyme

Welcome to the forums @Rosie7174 . I'm so sorry for your losses. It sounds as though you've been the rock for your mother and other brother. It's good you have the support of your partner.

I remember the angst over winding up my late father's house. I can't offer any advice but send you love and strength.

Take care

Dimity

Welcome, @Rosie7174 , it's good to have you here.

I'm sorry for your losses and that you're at your limit of heartbreak...it sounds like you're carrying an incredibly heavy burden 😞

I wonder if you've heard of Griefline? I've just heard of it myself recently. 1300 845 745.

I'm also wondering if you have any professional support in your grief, like a counsellor or psychologist?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply to them.

I hope you find the forums supportive.

Hi @Rosie7174,

My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. I just want to firstly welcome you to the forums and secondly say that I am sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds like are going through a really challenging time and I really do sympathise with your situation.

I also lost my father last year so I really get those feelings of loss and deep sadness that seem to go hand in hand with losing someone close to you. I didn't realise that after my father had passed there was so much that needed to be done in terms of the will, getting probate etc that for a long time I couldn't really move into just grieving because there was so much legal work that needed to be completed. It took almost a year for all the `loose ends' to be tied up with my dad's estate. It wasn't til that was all done that I could just really sit with my dad's passing and begin the journey of healing.

The situation with your brother sounds really difficult and I'm sure it is compounding your feelings of grief and loss. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family having to look at having to evict him, it's sad to think a situation that is already hard is becoming more difficult due to this situation.

I can only talk to my lived experience but I feel like now life is more on an even keel and when I reflect back my dad's passing it was one of the hardest things I have ever lived through. Please know there are brighter days in future and what you are going through right now wont last forever (even though I understand you're probably feeling like it will at the moment).

Sounds like you've really been put through the ringer with the passing of your loyal companion too - I'm a big dog lover so I totally get that feeling of loss, particularly if it was unexpected. I really feel for you.

I just want to let you know that the SANE Support Centre is available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) - I have also attached a link to our free services https://www.sane.org/get-support so please know you aren't alone. It is great that you have reached out to your GP too. There is also an organisation called Griefline - 1300 845 745 (6am to 12am AEDT) which offers free telephone support for people going through grief and loss.

What grief and loss has taught me so far is it's really hard and there is no way around it. Some days are harder than others and grief can creep up on you at the most unexpected times (like when you hear your mum's favourite song comes on in the grocery store, a certain perfume etc). I read once that grief is like swimming in the ocean - sometimes the waves are big, knock you over and you can struggle to catch your breath and other times the waves are smaller and you just let them roll over you and it passes quickly.

I really do wish you all the best. I'm glad you have found us - there are a lot of supportive people on the forums and a lot of people with lived experience that can understand how you are feeling.

Take care,

FloatingFeather

@Rosie7174

Sounds like a tricky situation re the house. I guess its a step at a time. Sounds like you have put everything in motion, and if the legal bottom line happens re errant brother, that is his consequence.

I hate being fobbed off with platitudes too. When everyone went on about the "Power of Now" book I felt like screaming.

One loss after another can cascade the effects of longing and missing. Do whatever you have to get through. I hope sharing on the forum and eventually getting to the Gp helps.

Hello dear @Rosie7174

Sitting with you and empathising with you. Thay all sounds very stressful and overwhelming, I'm so sorry.

When you say

"How do I keep myself sane?

I worry about my future too.

I can't stand "living in the moment".

I just feel so sad and heartbroken and don't know what to do."

I can really relate to this. The forums have been such an important part of my journey. In moments when just taking another breath felt impossible, the forums and members have been there for me.

Just try to take each day 10 minutes of a time. Don't think too far into the future. Take each day 1 at a time until it gets better. This is sometimes the only way.

Christheart

Hi @Rosie7174 !

I was passing through and wanted to check-in with you to see how you are.

How are things?

Thinking of you,

tyme

Hi Tyme,

I am okay I guess. I'm feeling still very overwhelmed by everything that has happened.

I mainly feel just so sad and I feel like nothing is going to feel the same again.

I miss my little dog so much, she would follow me from room to room wherever I'd go, I keep expecting that and then remembering each time just crushes me all over again.

My older brother is out of hospital now and back home living with me, so that's something positive..

I guess I will just watch and wait and see what happens with my mum's house.

There is just so much unnecessary nastiness that has been surrounding me for so long now and I'm just tired of it all.

It's been bad enough trying to cope with never seeing my mum again without any of the added drama.

I feel like it's the good people that always seem to cop it.

Just drowning at the moment, trying to keep my sanity on act is a full time job.

All the things that mean the most to me have just been taken away and it's just storm after storm.

I was planning to move away after everything has been dealt with but have since decided to stay put where I am fir now until I get my bearings and figure out what I want to do.

But mostly, I miss my mum and I miss my little dog, I just ache for them.

Missing somebody like that is the worst hurt of all, it's like a dagger that keeps getting twisted in your heart and soul every single time. That familiarity has gone, that part of your world has gone, that everyday life has changed.

I just want them in my life again like it always has been, I want the nastiness to stop and I just want peace.

Thank you for asking after me, I appreciate your thoughts, it means a lot.

Hi NatureLover,

Yes, I am seriously considering counselling, I could really do with the help right now.

I haven't heard if Griefline, but thank you for letting me know, I will most definitely have a look at it.

I just want peace and it's long overdue.

Thank you for replying to me, your suggestions have helped a lot.

Hi Christheart,

Thank you for your advice. Your suggestions were really helpful and I really appreciate that you took the time to respond to my post.

I'm trying to take it one day at a time, that's a good idea.

Today I followed your suggestions and just took it 10mins at a time, it made the time seem more manageable.

I get moments of pure grief though, they are the worst of all, the constant reminders of what I've lost.

Missing my mum and my little dog is the worst, that familiarity is gone, and the feeling is just overwhelming.

I long to see their faces, my mum was always there for me in times of my life where I needed support. My little dog was my comfort in the hard times and now I feel so heartbroken and so alone.

I'm thankful for my partner, he is so wonderful and my tower of strength.

But it's the feelings in me which are the hardest, I feel like my emotions are haunting me, almost an enemy.

Trying to keep busy helps somewhat.