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CasablancaCasual Contributor
In response to: Self compassion
Captain24Senior Contributor
Welcome @Casablanca
I was apprehensive when I joined as well. I myself am struggling with MH issues and have found this group to be very supportive. I have discovered that I am not alone.
I grew up in a DV environment, however not physical but mental, and my parents are still together after 50 yrs.
I hope these forums help you to start to find the self compassion that you a looking for.
Captain24
In response to: Self compassion
tymeModerator
Dear @Casablanca ,
No, you are definitely not too old to be joining our forums.
Welcome! I'm sure there are others who can empathise with what you are going through.
I'm sorry to hear you are facing DV in your marriage.
I'd urge you to contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). You deserve better.
Do you have anyone you can speak to? It is important you are safe.
If in immediate danger, please contact 000.
tyme
In response to: Self compassion
HenryXSenior Contributor
Hello @Casablanca
@tyme, and @Captain24
I am definitely in that upper age bracket, @Casablanca , and there are other older members who actively participate here in the forum also.
From what I have seen "learning to be self compassionate" whatever our background, experience and present position is a key theme among many members. I am still learning those skills also. I hope that we will be able to share some ideas that fit or can be applied in our own particular circumstances.
The apprehension about knowing what to say, and how much, is a bit of a hurdle when we first join the forum. A way of initially engaging is to offer some fairly neutral self observations about interests and situation. In this way, others can connect with the information that you have offered. As you get to know members, you will know those with whom you will feel more comfortable and connected and with whom you may share more personal information and exchange ides that will, hopefully be helpful. You have probably gathered that the forum is clear on protecting our own identity by connecting with non-personalised information. But that leaves plenty of range for discussion.
When you respond to someone else, You can alert them to your response using the following steps:
1. In the reply box enter the @ symbol, which will present a drop down flag with the names of up to about seven members who have most recently participated in the thread.
2. Click on the names of the people you wish to alert.
3. You will need to type the symbol @ for the flag to be re-presented for selection of each additional name.
4. When you have selected addresses of people you wish to alert, you can then add your message and Post. The members, whose names you have selected, will receive a note alerting them to your message in their "Your Notifications" box
We can look at other functions of the forum as you become more comfortable. If you ever want assistance, you can just say so from wherever you are and someone is likely to offer their support fairly quickly, depending on whose logged in.
Welcome to the forum @Casablanca
With Best Wishes
@HenryX
In response to: Self compassion
KatesChoiceNew Contributor
In response to: Self compassion
maddisonSenior Contributor
You are so brave to reach out @Casablanca Well done.
You are not alone, as you can see from the responses of other members. You deserve compassion from yourself & others, & not to be judged.
Welcome to the forums & thankyou for sharing this part of your story.
I don't have any training on how to approach this topic with you. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I hope this forum can help you & you will continue to reach out.
Of course you are welcome to post as much, or as little as you like. I find expressing myself can be healing.
Please also take note of @tyme suggestions. Your safety is most important.
Kind regards maddison
In response to: Self compassion
CasablancaCasual Contributor
@Captain24 @HenryX @tyme
I'm back, struggled with how to use this site. I Can't stop crying, I Have my visit tomorrow with social counsellor then Thursday my second (secret) phone hook up with DV counsellor. I'm not crazy just codependent. But that has just about finished.
As I mentioned in first message to your group about my spouse.
My story is so long to write. But I want to try and let you all know what trauma I am stuck in.
He is 73 along with being a narcissist he also has Alzheimer's,. Probably about stage 5.
I am also caring for a absolutely beautiful daughter 34 years, lives with us, is austism spectrum, interlectual disorder and other numerous medical conditions.
One of my spouse's traits is non parental narcasissm which means my children have also succumbed to Domestic violence, so suffering child hood trauma.
In response to: Re: Self compassion
PaperdaisySenior Contributor
Hi @Casablanca I'm sorry to hear what you're dealing with. It sounds very traumatic.
I'm glad to see you have some supports in place with the social worker and DV counsellor tomorrow. Let us know how that goes for you.
I'm wondering if it would be helpful to reach out to the helpline on 1800 187 263 tonight or crisis support if things escalate for you? It sounds like you're understandably upset and I wish there was more I could do, but very limited here.
Is there anything the normally helps you to feel more at ease?
I'm sorry things are so hard. Sitting with you 💝
In response to: Re: Self compassion
CasablancaCasual Contributor
@Paperdaisy
Thanks, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Eg walking on eggshells.
This sitting in sunroom having a coffee, he went outside for something, came back in and said in his demanding, controlling voice, "why did you put that orange plant by garage(I did move it there yesterday)" "because I wanted too" " its no got there you should have left it where it was" I mumbled"Jesus " which I have never said before.
Immediately he retorted back " don't say Jesus, just do it right"
It was pure anger in his voice.
In response to: Re: Self compassion
PaperdaisySenior Contributor
It isn't fair @Casablanca and you deserve to be treated with respect. I'm sorry you're experiencing that.
I'm wondering if you took @tyme advice and were able to speak to someone at 1800 RESPECT? If you feel unsafe it's important to call 000.
Please let us know how you go tomorrow. Wishing you all the best 💝
In response to: Re: Self compassion
CasablancaCasual Contributor
@Paperdaisy @tyme
No I haven't taken @tyme advise, but now you have reminded me I will after I see me counsellor.. I think the DV counsellor has been in touch with black dog.
Because I have had so much and enough abuse I can't escape.people say I have to put him in a nursing home.
It's not always that easy. But I never imagined that I would be at this point after 50 years that I wish so hard for him to be out of my life.
Every morning I wait to hear from his bedroom if he is still alive or not. 😭
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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