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Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Hi all - I've been scanning these forums for over a week now and really looking for sensible advice.

My partner of 18 years had a mental health episode involving hallucinations last week for which I took her to her GP, which she agreed was necessary. The GP did the usual check with her, with me out of the room, that I was not being abusive or coercive, and satisfied i wasn't let me back into the room. She gave a strategy for tests and an escalation plan to ED.

That evening she had to be admitted to ED, and then transferred as a voluntary patient to a "low risk" intensive care ward. The next day she awoke not knowing how she got there and attacked me for getting her admitted without consent. She articulated that I've basically guaranteed divorce. Throughout the day she came to accept she needed to be there, and was diagnosed with PTSD. Her mood was normal with me in the afternoon and accepting of the way forward together. She was allowed to discharge the next day with a prescription for a low dose of meds.

However within 6 hours of her discharge she had a major episode and had to be readmitted through ED. She was fast tracked back to the unit - however I ensured the Mental Health Nurse carefully articulated the voluntary admission process and the authority of the doctor to permit discharge provided there was a sufficient care & support plan.

Once back in the ward she turned hostile on me again - holding a seemingly incompatible view that she needed to stay there as long as it was necessary, but again I had facilitated in the violation of her rights through the original admission. I recognised there was no way to reason with her and left for my own psychological safety.

Today I returned to the ward with a bag of clothes - and the front desk nurse made it clear that she had expressed a wish that I not be permitted to enter her room. I recognised the risk if I insisted and left voluntarily. As you can imagine, this has been incredibly distressing, and I have activated my mental health support networks to cope.

I am now in a quandary - I can likely call each morning to ascertain whether her mood has shifted permitting me to see and support her. But if it doesn't, and she is considered to have enough decision making capacity to remain voluntary, it would appear I would be effectively cut out understanding her treatment plan or being involved in any strategy on future discharge.

I think you might understand I am very worried about whether this is a prelude to something that forces me to vacate our home - do I need to have a preliminary discussion with a lawyer if this continues. We also have a 12 year old son who has been very aware of his mothers behaviour throughout this. These fears might also be for nothing as she is only 2 days into titration on the meds, it might all come good.

Appreciate any sensible advice as I am at a loss as to what to do next.

41 replies

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In response to: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Good Evening @Cernunnos ,

How are you and your family? I hope things are better than what they have been for you.

Looking forward to hearing how you and your dear one are going.

tyme

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Thanks for checking in @tyme

My wife has had two day releases on the weekend to come home for 8 hour stretches - which has been good for her. It is still not clear yet as to the likely discharge date - while she has largely stabilised there is still some evidence of sporadic paranoia, and occasional bouts of medication non-compliance - but again this is greatly reduced over previous weeks.

One problem we are encountering is that she has pre-existing longterm generalised anxiety which means she really doesn't have the motivation to go take the opportunities to "mix" in the common room area or do activities like other in-patients, she is more likely to keep to herself in her room. So I think there is some thinking going on whether the better strategy is going to be to eventually discharge her straight home eventually with Community mental health team support rather than trying to "step down" to a lower dependence ward which will just be a new unfamiliar environment and possibly raise the anxiety up levels up again. Bit of a waiting game on a clinical decision now...

Both my son and I are doing ok. We went out to my wife's parents place for dinner tonight to foster a bit of family connection and support - especially as they haven't been able to visit her (as she is not willing for visitors other than myself at this stage).

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Hi @Cernunnos ,

Thank you for responding.

Are there peer workers available to connect with your wife while she is in hospital so that she can maintain that connection out of hospital. It's so important that your wife feels 'connection' and belonging.

You are doing an amazing job. I know it hasn't been easy, but your patience is paying off.

I'm glad to hear you are taking time out with your son.

I look forward to catching up with you again soon.

tyme

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Hi @tyme

Todays news is that she has been discharged - free of any ongoing Treatment Order but with an Rx for an antipsychotic & antidepressant.

There is a Community Mental Health service that will provide a point on ongoing contact with the "system", but they are willing to allow her to make her own proactive health decisions with her regular psychologist & GP - with a recommendation the antipsychotic continue for at least the next 3 months and the antidepressant under doctors ongoing review.

She is happy & stable to be home. Of course - as I expected & discussed with the Dr - all the symptoms of the condition haven't disappeared, they are just 'manageable'. So there has been a light touch of paranoia tonight but nothing that is debilitating, just something to be monitored.

As is probably to expected - there is a large emotional release that hits a carer on discharge - all the things kept tightly on a leash. So I'm just doing some self-monitoring as well because my experiences are not really something she is in the position to hear about or assimilate at this juncture. She is still decompressing after 3 weeks.

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Thank you for the update @Cernunnos .

It'll take some time for her to readjust. I'm glad you have been linked into the system for ongoing care. This is so important. I hear it has been a difficult journey, but I feel you are now in safe hands and you do have supports in place.

I believe now is about monitoring how things go and seeking support early. I strongly feel that knowing you are caring for your wife, the treating team are letting her go home. They obviously trust you.

Please don't feel you can't reach out to people. With the MH system, just keep trying. I've been through the public MH system, and I've had the most incredible support I could ever ask for. I'm not saying it was an easy time, but without their support, I know I wouldn't be here.

I look forward to hearing how you go in the not-too-distant future.

tyme

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

@tyme - I did forget to mention we got an 'upgrade' on the diagnosis once organic issues had been ruled out - melancholic depression.

So I we now have a name to the condition we are experiencing.

Probably the most immediate thing I'm now 'working around' is her absence of memory over the past 3 weeks - so when I mentioned that my son & I had dinner at her parents the night before she was alarmed to learn her parents knew what had happened to her (they have a somewhat not straightforward relationship) - even though I had talked about her parents continuously during visits. I had to rejustify telling them as a risk mitigation strategy in case she needed support - reminding her that she had at one stage stopped visitation permission for me. She said she understood, but she wasn't happy I took that decision out of her hands.

So I am becoming very aware how bumpy the readjustment period is going to be. My psychologist has advised me that it will be very unwise at this juncture to raise or talk about any of her delusions with regard to me over this period.

Naturally as a carer you want to be able to explain & express the specific pain one goes through on the outside of the system, while you were trying to be supportive & advocate on your loved ones behalf. But as I am understanding now, there is probably a lot you will not be able to talk to them about for a very long time.

It is just hard to have them articulating all the these tings "you did wrong" or "should have done" knowing it is a conversation you really can't have yet. And that puts pressure on the relationship.

But these are things I will talk through with my psychologist so as to not let them consumer me.

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

I hear you @Cernunnos ,

I certainly will be a bumpy ride. And I guess it will be difficult to speak about the delusions etc to her, knowing she was clearly unwell at that time.

I just so pleased to hear that things are progressing. That's the main thing.

I'm also glad to hear you have a psychologist whom you can confide in. It's important to remember your MH and wellbeing.

tyme

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Good Evening @Cernunnos ,

How are you travelling? Is your wife somewhat better?

I'm thinking about you and hope to hear from you,

tyme

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Hi @tyme - thanks for messaging

My wife is considerably better & controlled on medications. She has been very compliant with them, and is spending considerable time processing the events of the past month - as is quite self aware of where she got to and the nature of what she was experiencing.

I think both my son & I feel a sense of 'normality' returning to our lives - but I say that in a conditional sense in that life won't just return to as it was now that a PTSD/Major Depression diagnosis has been arrived at and will be something to be managed in an ongoing basis.

Thank you and the others in the support team for the assistance you have provided over the past weeks - it has been a roller coaster of emotions and you have provided a safe space to articulate thoughts without judgement, and it has helped move me through the darkest parts of the tunnel into a much more personally stable & empowered place.

In response to: Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Re: Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

Your post brought tears to my eyes @Cernunnos - to be able to feel a somewhat sense of normality is such an incredible feeling to digest after such a roller coaster - for both you and your son.

I am so glad to hear that your wife has some self-awareness of what has been happening. She is in such great hands.

All the best, and I hope to see you around.

I'll keep in touch once in a while (if that's okay). I think it is good to have that ongoing extra support network - even if it's anonymous!

tyme

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