I can’t cope

Hey @NatureLover.

How are you going?

I’m still really struggling but I guess I just have to get over it. If I had my car keys I would have gone for a drive last night.

They are going to start med changes on Monday.

It's a hard place to be @Captain24 in hospital. It always takes me a few days for the anxiety of coming I here to reduce.

All you can do is step by step hon. You've got this 👍

I’m trying @Snowie. I’m really trying. I’m meeting people and I’m able to chat with them but I’m still struggling badly. But if I leave now I don’t think I will make it home.

Yesterday’s Pdoc session unpacked a long buried SA that I blamed myself for. Plus a lot of other stuff. I don’t feel safe at all. I’m allowed leave this afternoon but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Sorry for all that..

I hope you are having a nice time with your family.

Hey @Captain24 ,

It sounds so so hard.

Do you feel ready to unpack some of the underlying issues?

If you feel it is necessary for your recovery, perhaps doing it as an inpatient is safer that doing it alone at home.

We hear how hard it is. We hear it is not comfortable. Yet we hear you couldn't continue going the way you were going.

I'm here if you need a chat.

Lol @Captain24 - sorry, not talking for 20 days is.. um... don't even know what to say.

I reckon I'd be bored...

I don't' mind not talking. But then again, if not talking means I'm ruminating on harmful thoughts instead, then it's not healthy.

It depends on what you do during a silent retreat. Some people may be praying, some may be reciting chants... but to just 'sit there' is not healthy.

Hey @tyme

Just had a really tough group session. It was on achievement and the behaviours around that.

I’ve got some free time but I don’t feel comfortable going out. I know that’s stupid. But I just can’t. I’ll try tomorrow afternoon.

I’ve got an update on Pix. She was sitting on the lap of the dog sitter and warming up to her boyfriend! That’s huge for Pix. She doesn’t do strangers. Just like her mum. 😜

Apparently the lady said you do a lot of time sitting in your thoughts, but by not being able to do anything other than sit in them it gave her the ability to process them. I don’t know. She is a bit strange! 😂

I’ve just slept most of the afternoon. I have a massive headache. I’m guessing it’s caffeine withdrawal and also not drinking enough water.

I’ll go out tomorrow afternoon and get a drink bottle. Maybe that will help me drink more water.

We are having a movie night tonight. One of the ladies is going to stream the movie ‘mental’ to the tv in the group room. Should be good.

I found out that there is only about 25 people here at the moment. About half are in the trauma side and the other half are in the ED part. We hardly see the Ed girls at all, except for med time and sometimes they may go to the dining room grab a meal and leave. I was given that option if I wanted it. They were supportive of my ED and didn’t question it. I’ve been good so far but it’s getting harder. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it under control much longer. But the biggest thing is that they aren’t all skinny. It’s good to see the acceptance.

The movie night isn’t happening.

I’m really bored tonight.

Hey @Captain24 sounds like you are having some challenges rn in the hospital which is understandable. It can be a time to zone out from the world from my experience focusing on yourself and getting support. Please stay connected with the community here on the Forums and we can support you too! Do they have an art room on the ward? I used to spend some time in there at times. RiverSeal

It really sounds like you are trying @Captain24 you should be proud of yourself. Great to hear they are supportive of your ED hon. I find it a struggle to keep up with meals at times too. My nurse just asked about me not eating dinner...

I get to the bored point too where I am in my room alone with no one to talk too.

That is why being on here helps. Helps stay connected with people.

They have art classes on tomorrow which I will try to get to. Will fill in my day and give me something to do.

I hope tonight goes ok for you.