I can’t cope

Precisely @Captain24! Glad you are honouring yourself by ensuring you got plenty 💜

Aww bless, I'll remember that! The festival itself is Friday-Monday but I'm going up from 6th-14th! Set up and pack down. Haha yeah they're not for everyone, but for me the main appeal is the community! Never met such a kind, welcoming, and supportive bunch of people. We may be filthy hippies but gosh darn it we look out for each other, and for the environment too! But gotta choose the right festival, I've been to one where there were way more crappy people, folks who are just there to get really messed up from drugs and alcohol, and who leave trash everywhere and end up starting fights. That's more the techno/festival crowd, the psytrance doofing community is where it's at!

Oh I wonder what festival? Yeah as mentioned above, there's some festivals that pull the wrong sort of crowd, the kinda people who are really disrespectful. I avoid those people/festivals as much as possible.

I’ve packed my bag! @Jynx. Here’s hoping I have enough and I have everything. Just knowing what to pack is stressful enough.

I don’t know what it was, plus our town is full of yuppies! So things don’t go over so well.

Thats ages, we will miss you!!! You won’t miss us though, partying along!

I guess you’re heading off for the night.

Thanks for distracting me while I was packing. It helped.

See you tomorrow night? That’s when the real panic will set in.

Have a good night, I hope the cleaning is quick and easy.

I'm sure you'll all enter my thoughts along the way @Captain24 - forums are such a big part of my life!

Aww you're welcome!

Yepper, we can chat tomorrow hun. We'll tackle the anxiety together 😉💜

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@Jynx wrote:

My friend had told me they day before that at her last inspection, the RE agent had gotten up them for having dishes drying next to the sink! So nitpicky 😤

@Jynx OMG, you just struck terror into my heart!!

But I'm glad your inspection went well 🙂 I hope they do do the maintenance on your front steps soon 🤞

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@Captain24 wrote:

Hey @NatureLover

Im hoping you are ok?

Thinking of you

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Thank you so much for checking in on me, @Captain24 ❤️ I'm still struggling, but feel a bit better after making it out of the house on Monday and Tuesday (my agoraphobia has been bad).

I've just read back and am so impressed that you made it through the holiday with your parents behaving like they were. I'm glad you got to do the camel ride 🙂 and I laughed when you said you were so happy it was 37C and rising! Today in Melbourne it will be 37 and I've battened down the hatches already and won't be even opening the door!

I was also wondering - you said you were a very sensitive person - I was wondering if you are an HSP? (Highly Sensitive Person questionnaire: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ ) I am an HSP.

I'm sorry to read you had such an upsetting psych appt 😢 But I'm glad you can contact her while you're in hospital. Regarding your phobia of hospitals, I'm hoping it won't feel too much like a hospital for you 🤞

I know you said you're going to feel panicky tonight before your admission tomorrow...I'll be sending wishes for you for today, tonight and tomorrow especially @Captain24 .

Hey @NatureLover.

Is sorry you are still struggling but at least you could push through and get out of the house. Thats a huge achievement.

Hahaha I love the heat! It’s suppose to be 35 here today.

I did the questionnaire.. yep it came up as a HSP. Maybe that’s my problem.

My psych was fantastic. It’s the first time I’ve fully cried on her. But we talk about mum and the upcoming admission.

It’s a stand alone clinic so it’s not attached to any hospital so I’m hoping it will be ok.

I’ve got 2 rooms to finish and then my house is done for the sitter. Then I can spend time with my babies before I leave them. Should take me an hour.

Im already panicking. I’m literally shaking. I feel like I could burst into tears at any time. I don’t want to go.

Thank you @Captain24 . I actually never want to leave the house again! But my volunteer job is good in that way, it gets me out of the house twice a week if I can make it.

I don't see HSP as a problem but as a gift. But you're right, many people do see it as a problem. Mostly parents of an HSP child, I think.

An hour doesn't sound too bad to complete your tasks.

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@Captain24 wrote:

Im already panicking. I’m literally shaking. I feel like I could burst into tears at any time. I don’t want to go.

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I can hear how nervous you are. 😢 What can you do to distract yourself from those thoughts today? (Other than spending time with your dogs...maybe that's distraction enough 🙂 )

I get the not wanting to leave the house @NatureLover but it’s nowhere near the same. My cousin has panic attack sometimes when see goes out. It’s good that you have your volunteer job.

Have you heard when your inspection is yet?

It is a gift in some ways but I also see why I’m like I am at times.

I might take the dogs for a walk tonight when it cools down. All my distractions are packed away! So it’s just me, the dogs and TV. But the dogs will be getting plenty of loving.

I am terrified, scared and overwhelmed all at once.

I haven't heard yet when the inspection is @Captain24, which I'm thankful for, as I'm still trying to clear the hoard and haven't even started cleaning yet 😣

Yes, I was excited to discover the HSP thing as it explained so much about myself.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I am terrified, scared and overwhelmed all at once.

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Yes, I think I would be overwhelmed too. Would it help to think of hospital as a "safe" place, where you can't act on your SI? (Is there a better word than "hospital" for this clinic?)

It’s good you still have some time @NatureLover. Well done on clearing some of the hoard. That must be hard for you.

I think of it as a clinic even though I know it’s hospital. If that makes sense. It is good that I won’t have to fight to the SI or SH urges or the intense need to hurt myself. Just to know that I am safe and looked after is a blessing. I just have one more night to get through on my own.

Part of me relieved and proud that I am trying to get the help I desperately need. But most of me just wants to bail. I’m not sure I will cope but I won’t know until I try.