T/W: Child mental abuse
I am so broken and so alone. The hurt runs so deep that it’s making me sick.
I feel like that little girl that was told she was unwanted, not good enough, would amount to nothing and not worthy of anything. I always felt so unloved and so uncared for.
The house and dog sitter fell through, so now I’m trying again. I told mum last night and her response was just ‘whatever’ They do not support me in the slightest with this admission. I did think that maybe they would care but how wrong was I. I should’ve known, I shouldn’t have expected anything else. I guess that means they don’t support my MH either. They never ask me about it.
I have a second car. Dad asked me questions about it on Wednesday night. I answered them all with a why at the end. 5 times I asked why. They said that they wanted it. Why again. With an annoyed huff he said that their car was getting serviced so they needed a car. It’s all good as I would have given it too them anyway. But they just expected to take it.
Then last night they asked how far it will get on a fuel light. I always part that car up somewhere between full and half, incase I need it. So I couldn’t work out why. Then I remembered that dad took it when he had his radiation. I made sure it was full before he took it. So they are returning it empty. My thought would be you used it you fill it.
They just expect me to always drop everything for them. I had so many days off with dad’s cancer and stuff for mums leg brace. I’ve only just got enough annual leave to cover my hospital visit as I’ve used so much on them.
In my work review it was put down that I had a lot of absences so they just blamed my mental health. It was even for that. They have used it against me so I can’t learn any further equipment until I’m sorted. Most of my days off were for my parents. They don’t get it’s affecting work. But they think all this time off I’m taking to look after myself will cause issue.
I have no one in my real life that supports me with my MH. Other than a few phone calls a year with my bestie who lives in Melbourne which is 12+ hours away.
I don’t belong in this world. I’m not worth anything other than being used. Why even bother hanging around. I am nothing. I am that little girl that was good for nothing. The hurt, the pain, the loneliness and isolation I feel is indescribable. Every time I think the pain can’t get worse it does. It makes it harder and harder to stay. I could imagine everyone saying how selfish and inconsiderate I was but no one cares for me while I’m alive.
