@Captain24 There's soooo much good in you! I've witnessed it first hand so many times here. Remind yourself of how good you are to the others in this community.
We all go through things differently. No one's trauma is more valid than anyone else's. I used to feel very much the same - why should I be so distraught, so full of despair, when others out there have it worse? I nearly destroyed myself with that guilt. But I came around eventually to the idea that just because others may have it worse, doesn't mean that I am thus not deserving of empathy and support. I deserve it simply because I'm human.
Did your psych use those words specifically? Seems a bit harsh to be honest.
When we're in survival mode, it makes sense that we become selfish. It's hard to be considerate when your whole body is in a state of fight or flight. The parts of our brain associated with our social skills go offline to make room for the parts that need us to run, or push, or numb.
And for those of us with chronic people-pleasing as a trauma response, it can get very messy - e.g. for me, I had to learn how and when to be selfish. Since I never put my own needs first, I was always struggling to find any kind of peace or contentment. But when I was in a super intense state of dysregulation, it was like no one else's needs mattered. So I had to learn that it was okay to be selfish when I felt myself sacrificing my own time and energy for someone else, but also to learn how to consider others when I was having a meltdown and it felt like if someone was to walk away from me, I'd die.
You're allowed to be selfish to protect yourself. And, you can find ways to be considerate even when it feels like the world is crumbling around you.
