I can’t cope

My parents have never said 'I love you' either. I've never even received a hug! @Captain24 .... so as I said, maybe that's what 'love' looks like to them?

As for my older sister, I can't even be in the same room talking to her for more than 10 mins! My sister is very arrogant, selfish, stubborn and ..... intelligent. I say intelligent because she has got such a clever brain that I can, in no way, be her match. Whatever I say, she's got a rebuttal and answer for! Hence we don't talk much.

When I do see her (maybe 1 every 2 years), I keep my mouth shut because I know everything I say will be pulled down....

Such is life. I love my life and I'm thriving in my own special way, so that's what matters - even if my way is a little 'different' LOL

Who wants to be the same anyway? No me!

You described the relationship with my brother to a tee @tyme

Parent issues can cause a lot of pain. I’ve never really had a serious relationship as I don’t really know what love is or how to love. Plus no one can get through my wall! I think it’s part of the reason I have that damn wall.

Hopefully one day I’ll get to a place where I can be content in life. At the

moment I can’t see it at all. I would

love to be thriving. I’m so happy for you that you are.

I feel so much of what is happening for you has happened or is happening to me @Captain24 . There seems to be a connection there.

My wall is a few bricks thick!

in terms of love, I feel the same as you. However, I do believe many in the world do not see or define love in a way I believe it to be. I honestly don't see that much 'love' in the world in terms of in relationships... and that's probably why I'm not looking for it, and don't really care at this point.

I'm quite satisfied with living on my own and living my life.

I've been through the stage of not knowing where to go or what to do in life. It's been a lot of work, but I'm over that hurdle now.

As I've mentioned in the past, I had to throw myself into therapy (esp group therapy), and really stick at the hard parts. To do everything I felt uncomfortable doing... at least I see the results now.

What the future brings, I really don't know. Hence I live in the present. And if it means creating diamond paintings or drinking coffee, so be it!

What are you plans the few days you have off? After tonight, I don't be on much until mid-week.

At the moment I can’t stay in the present as it’s too risky @tyme I’m barely staying safe. I need the hope of a future, even if it’s only a few weeks ahead.

There has been a lot of similarities!

I am content living in my own and can’t share anymore as I’m too set in my ways. Just sometimes I’d like to be able to have a friend that wanted to go for a hot choc occasionally

I might mow the lawn tomorrow as we are expecting heavy rain during the week. I also have to checkin daily with the MH nurse. Tuesday I have a therapist appointment and have to clean and get ready for work Wednesday. Thursday I’ve taken off to see the Pdoc. I haven’t told the folks so I’ll head out to a little village 20 mins away for breakfast and come back to town for the app.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I am content living in my own and can’t share anymore as I’m too set in my ways. Just sometimes I’d like to be able to have a friend that wanted to go for a hot choc occasionally

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Absolutely @Captain24 ! 100% agree with you on that one!

Do you drive a B-double? Now that's one thing I DON'T have. I have a heavy vehicle licence, but not for multi-trains... people still can't believe I can drive a heavy vehicle because I'm so small, short... and female...

Nah I don’t have a heavy vehicle license @tyme. I drive those really big dump trucks that you see in coal mines that have 18 steps to climb up to get into!

Anyhows I’m off to bed. Thank you for chatting. Talk to you during the week.

Hope you sleep well

So I woke up today still pretty low but somehow I’ve hurt my back pretty badly. I can barely walk. The intense pain isn’t helping my mood.

Oh you poor thing @Captain24 That sounds painful. Have you been to the GP?

Couldn’t get into the GP @Paperdaisy so I’ve been sitting in ED for the last 5 hrs!
The medical system out here is appalling. The pain is pretty bad considering I have a phobia of hospitals and I bought myself here.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that @Captain24 but I hope they can help you out. Wishing you all the best.