I can’t cope

You have been doing remarkably well considering the circumstances. @Captain24 We hear how hard it is, yet we also see how far you come. Voices within like to tell us that we are no good, but reality tells us otherwise. Focus on what will be helpful for you in the next few minutes - you don't need a plan a day in advance (well... maybe YOU do 🙂 )

Hugs

Rest up @Captain24 - will chat tomorrow or Friday 🙂

I do have so much going on @tyme I have grown so much in the last 15 months. It has taking a lot of hard work. A lot of listening and taking things on board.

Yet I still find myself here often. It’s like my mind feels things get too much down you go.

I’ve done a lot of diamond art today and some Lego. I think that is self care but I’m not sure. I couldn’t go for a walk because Pix is in too much pain and it was raining most of the day anyway.

I really do need to learn to focus on the now. Maybe I won’t get so overwhelmed. Rather than the days ahead!! I do

like a plan though 😂. Maybe it’s my anxiety that needs to have control. I’m struggling with the unknown of Pix as I have no control.

I just realised that one of my biggest flaws is the need for control. Maybe that’s why I'm on my own!

How fitting.. I have just left the training day to come to the GP and what is currently being discussed… suicide.

At the start some guy on our table was joking about the red zone. I actually spoke up and told him that it’s not a joke it is quite serious for some people! Go me!!! Especially considering where I’m sitting at at the moment!

Hi @Captain24

Good on you! So bad that he said it. I'm glad you called him out on the BS!

x

Thanks @hanami. I am a little proud of myself.

The MH guys were still there when I got back from my GP appointment so at the end I spoke to the suicidologist! Never heard of one before but it was really good to chat to her about my attempts and the other stuff that has been going on. She really listened and it didn’t feel taboo. She asked questions that were totally appropriate. She was so good.

Wow @Captain24 ! Pretty incredible achievement. So glad for you.

I think there's a part in each on of us who wants to have control - control over something whether it's ourselves, our kids, the weather etc.... @Captain24 Yet there comes a point when we learn that we don't have control over everything.

That's so great @Captain24 . I've never heard of a suicidologist either. I just googled it and you can do a masters in the topic. Wow. Great that they have these specialists.

You should be really proud of yourself!x

I feel like my need to control is out of control. @tyme Which is ironic! I need to learn to lessen it. I’m thinking it’s what may be keeping my mood erratic. If I have control I’m sort of ok, if I lose it I plummet. When I plummet it’s straight to the bottom.

Maybe that is something to focus on in my psych appointment next week. I need to change the script in my psych appointments to focusing on me. Not my eating and not dad.

On another note Pix had X-rays for her leg today. The vet said they were interesting and she doesn’t like interesting. She has sent them off to a specialist. She may have a tumour but my vet isn’t sure. I get the results sometime tomorrow. Lucky I’ve called in sick. That is something I have no control over. Until tomorrow I can’t even begin to plan. I’m really struggling with the unknown and the not being able to plan for what is next.

Also dad’s radiation was suppose to start Tuesday, then they said today. Mum and dad were over there (1 1/2 hrs away) and they sent them home. Now it starts on Monday. Another thing I have no control over.

Sorry about my brain dump.