I can’t cope

Oh what that is so scary @Captain24! I'm sorry you had to be so close to that, that's hectic.

Yeah Tassie is super amazing - if you take the Spirit of Tasmania you could drive down, and take Pix with you? Can imagine there'd be a number of caravan parks and such that would allow pets. Worth a visit!

I travel occasionally @Captain24 , used to more when I was younger. My parents decided instead of buying us video games, we'd do more holidays, so we went camping a lot. I'm grateful for that now.

Well I am about to log off for the evening, been so nice chatting as always. Hope you get a good sleep tonight and I'll catch ya tomorrow 💜

I like the idea of adventures instead of an overload of presents @Jynx

Thanks for tonight. I really appreciate it.

Have a good night

How is everything going @tyme

Hey @Captain24 !

I'm sorry to hear about Angel.. give her cuddles from me too. It must be such a hard time for all of you.

I will be thinking of you all.

As for me, I'm surviving. I came home and my sister was just leaving for the airport. I didn't even know, but my BIL's aunt was going to Sydney today.

The other in-laws are .... okayish i guess. I can't complain. I haven't had much to do with them actually. I stay at my place. I've never been so grateful for my job lol!

How are you? Sorry, I haven't read all the above posts yet.

It’s so hard @tyme but it has to be done and she will be better off. Then there is no risk of an horrific passing. When mum went to the vet today to see what was best. The vet just made the appt for tomorrow, she kind of made the decision for mum.

I’ve slept for 2 hrs in the last 30 hrs. So I’m a bit tired. I had saw my psych and GP today. I didn’t tell my GP everything though. But my psych knows.

Tomorrow I’m making an appt to see my CM, then Im having lunch with a friend. That is huge for me at the moment and indecisive me and decided where we are going. Then I have a Telehealth appt with my new ED dietitian. I go straight from that to the vet.

Then on Friday I have to travel 2 hrs for a dermatologist appointment, come home and mow my lawns and clean my house

Saturday my brother and his girlfriend are coming as dads siblings and us are going out to dinner for mum and dads 50th wedding anniversary.

Then on Sunday I have to organise something for lunch with just us. Plus get ready for work on Monday!

I don’t really have much on! 😂

Im so glad you are spending a lot of time at your place. At least there is one less house guest. It’s good that work can save us from a lot of things!

Have you bought a bed yet?

Wow! @Captain24 Pretty jam-packed eh? It's probably a good thing. DO it while you can.

As for the bed... no, not yet. Not that I've really tried lol. I actually don't know what I want, so I haven't really tried looking. I don't know what to type into search bar, "Buying bed"... .then I get a million beds, but none that entice me.

I had to go to the doc to get blood results. Supposedly my iron is so long and I'm supposed to feel tired... but I don't. He told me to take iron tablets, but I honestly told him I don't feel tired... so he gave them to me anyway. A few other things were outta whack, but in general, I'm not dying which good.

Anyway, I'd better hop off. I still have so much to do. But I certainly look forward to chatting tomorrow if you are on. I'll be freer tomorrow - i hope.

Wednesdays are always so busy for me.

Have a good one. Please take care, and give Angel big hugs and kisses before she takes on her Angel's wings.

I hope you can increase your iron! And fix everything that is out of whack.

Talk tomorrow @tyme

Have a good night.

I can’t go to sleep. It’s now 31 hrs with just 2 hrs sleep. I’m exhausted.

I don’t know if I’m stressing with how much I have going on for the next 4 days? I’m not sure if it’s because I have to mask at all of it. Very thing I have on is around people. Other than housework and mowing the lawn. Im also scared because the dermatologist is going to see my entire body. I don’t want to have to explain.

I’ve just had enough. My mood keeps fluctuating so much. I just can’t cope with it. It’s draining me mentally and physically.

Im hoping just getting this out will help me sleep. I’ve made a list of everything that I have on and have to do. That way it’s off my mind but it doesn’t seemed to have worked.

I do know I am stressed about Angels last appt. and how Pixie is going to cope. I have given her so much love today and I’ll need to tomorrow night. Then I have to leave Pix on Friday home alone while I go to my dermatologist appt which is 2 hrs each way. Mum just can’t take her the day after losing Angel.

Anyway. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Im so sorry for writing this. I hope it’s ok. I get worried about getting things out.

It’s just all too hard.

I have had the most awesome phone call with my CM. We ended the call with me feeling calm with everything that is happening in the next 4 days. Obviously not Angel this afternoon but this is a ‘normal’ response.

My anxiety has settled a lot. It’s still there but not as bad. I have got this. Yes, I’m going to have to mask it all for the coming days and it’s going to be exhausting. We have come up with a plan for Sunday afternoon when it’s all over.

We talked about my garden being colourful. That watering it twice a day gives me a little structure. One or maybe 2 of the plants have died but, instead of me telling myself I have failed. I have focused on the fact that most of my plants a thriving or doing ok. Im just going to dig the dead ones out and replace them. She said that they are hard to establish and she can’t grow them. Im now determined to show her I can even though I’m not a gardener. She also said that me choosing bright plants and that I’m enjoying how it looks means that my life isn’t all doom and gloom. The brightness is happy colours.

She also suggested doing a memorial garden out the back with some kind of ornaments to honour Angel. Im thinking something beachy as that was her favourite place and it’s also Pixies. It’s something they loved together. I want to do it as something similar to how my Great Grandmother had her garden.

With the garden structure, looking after my lawn and proper sleep hygiene. It will help dig me out of this. I just need to be able to find and maintain a structure daily.

I also discovered that I’m slowly taking control of my life and very slowly showing some kindness to myself. By having things so ordered and symmetrical inside my home shows that maybe I can get my life order too.

I feel a lot lighter and a little (and I mean very little) but more confident in myself.

I also feel a little more positive that I can do this and will do this. There will still be a lot of hurdles along the way but that’s ok. That’s what having a MI is about.