I can’t cope

Thanks @tyme

Now I have to get up and get through tomorrow.

The big hurdle tomorrow is we are having a crew Bbq which means there will be 50 of us together for lunch.

When I lost the last of my ability to cope yesterday was going to my afternoon but I new the room had to many people and I couldn’t get out of my machine. That’s when I called and went home. Today at lunch I was going to have to have it with about 8 people and freaked out so I got it changed. I have spoken to my boss about how I can’t cope tomorrow for lunch so we will catch up before and put a plan in place so that I’m not in amongst everyone.

Thanks for your support. I’m hoping I can cope with the roller coaster that I think I may actually be starting.

Hey @Captain24 ,

It's good to listen to what you need. If you don't feel ready, it's okay. You've come so far already.

On the other hand, knowing what is going to happen will also help you prepare - if not tomorrow, in the future.

Once again, good on you for today. "Strive for progress, not perfection."

tyme

Getting up this morning was hard. I was so drained from the last 2 days. But I did get up and I did go to work.

The boss called me in at 9:30 to see if I needed to go home as they could see on the camera that I wasn’t ok. I didn’t give in he just gave me a task that kept me away from cameras.

I did struggle until my second break which I had with a colleague that I sort of close too. He made me laugh (which I can’t remember the last time that happened). I spent most of the last 2hrs with him and have come home feeling good.

I am actually looking forward to tomorrow as I usually enjoy my break between shifts. Especially because I get to have a nap tomorrow afternoon. However that nap means I still have to do 2 12.5hr night shifts.

Its awesome to finish the day on a positive

Thank you for sharing @Captain24 . Sure perseverance is admirable.

I'm so proud of you,

tyme

That was so hard. I’m not in a good place. Going to bed to try and sleep.

Hopefully I wake up in a better place than I am now and can get through the last one for 5 days.

So I didn’t wake up in a better place. 😢

I’m shaking in fear of going but hopefully I can’t get through the last shift.

Hi @Captain24, what I have seen communicated from you over your past few posts is your enormous reservoir of strength and resilience. The mere fact that you are determined to still show up to work and just try to be there despite the way you are feeling is commendable.

I'm pleased to see that you've been able to advocate for needs whilst at work by talking with your manager and have been able to put a plan in place for you. Have the breaks been helping you to be able to regulate yourself again when you feel quite heightened? I was also wondering if you have any coping strategies in place for when you don't feel like you can cope in your work environment or even for when you get home to soothe yourself?

Go gently with yourself @Captain24, you are doing the best that you can and that is perfectly fine. 💜

Sirius✨

Hi @Former-Member

My reservoir of strength and resilience has just ran out. I can’t finish my shift and am on the way home.
I am proud of being able to complete 52 hrs of my 62hr roster.
I think a hot shower and bed is what I’ll be doing. I’ve got 5 days to regroup and keep working on myself before I have to try again.
my boss has been fantastic and has put me in tasks where I can just do my own thing. If I need to pull up and have a break I can. Whilst I’m working I’m only home 10hrs before I have to leave to start again. All I do is have dinner and go to bed. I think in need to find something that is quick and easy to be able to unwind before bed. But just not sure what that is.

Thanks

captain24

One good thing is I just don’t have the energy to beat myself up for not finishing me shift. That must be a positive

Now that I’m home I’m not ok.

I feel shame for failing, guilt for letting my boss and myself down.
I know it was the safest option to give in. I just wish it would get easier.