I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 ,

I wrote this post earlier and I don't think I sent it:

Hey @Captain24 ,

The drive was okay. I said to my sister, "Ok, I'll go now!" I was about to go, then she said, "Hey, aren't you going to wait?" So I hung around and waited.... argh...

Then on the way back, we had lunch. It was chinese - yum. I really like chinese food. I just ate and left them there because I wanted to get home before my shift.

I'm really glad to be home though. The kids are getting arrkky - I think they are tired.

I get it’s up to me but I just can’t seem to do it. @tyme. I just keep failing. I just have to appreciate that I had a couple of good days. I can’t do it and don’t want to do it anymore. It’s feeling really hard to continue right now. I don’t know if I can.

Wow! You all only just got home.. I hope she is tired and in bed before you finish. It must be nice to be alone right now though.

Are you tired after being away?

Oh! @Captain24 , No I got back in the afternoon. About 1:30pm. The kids are tired as - phew! Less talking.

The baby was 'reading' today. It was a chapter book. I said, "What are you doing?"

She says: I'm reading

Me: But you can't read.

She says: I can pretend!

Kids....

I know it seems hard now and that you can't do it, but you can. It's just something you have to do for yourself (and Pix). I am the first to admit that I've also been in a similar space. I didn't want to keep going. Yet today, I am glad I'm still here.

Chinese is good @tyme. It’s so difficult when you’re expected to travel together. Mum and dad do it to me all the time. We’ll stop here. We’ll go there. It drives me crazy.

That’s pretty cute @tyme. At least you got home early. It is nice to get home.

I don’t know that I’m willing to keep going. I have been thinking things and I have been shopping

It drags the trip on @Captain24 . Do you know how many toilet stops they had to make???

I pretended I didn't see them and oppppps! I got home much earlier than they did lol.

I think the hardest part of camping was the packing. I've learnt my lesson not to pack so many bikes next time. I packed 4 bikes, 3 scooters, and one 3-wheeled wiggly thingo - I don't even know the name of it. Out of everything, they used 2 bikes and one scooter. That was it.

So next time, I'm not taking all that.

I can imagine the toilet stops @tyme. Every time my mum she’s a toilet she has to use it. Even if it’s three in the one shopping centre!

I do have to stop frequently though as Pix gets car sick so I need to let her get out and walk around a little. It doesn’t always stop the vomit though. I pack a heap of towels and an extra sheet for the back seat. I’ve got leather seats so she needs a sheet or she falls off!

That’s so much to pack and they aren’t even your kids! You are a great auntie to them. You seem to always think of them and put them first.

I spoil the kids so much @Captain24 . Yet it doesn't make them nice kids lol. I dread they attitude and answering back when they are teens. It's already so bad now.

Hey, did I tell you about the letter my niece wrote me after our 'fight' where she really cut me (I mean cut my emotions)?

I was so hurt by the things she said and the argument we had that I just walked out on her. The next day, I didn't talk to her much. Then at night she wrote me a letter:

"Dear....

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry we had a fight. Please forgive me. Will you please love me again?"

Then on the back, she drew a pic of her and me holding hands and walking....

My heart melted... how could I not love her??? I've got tears in my eyes even now, just thinking about "Will you please love me again?"

Oohhh that’s so sad that she felt the need to ask if you will love her again @tyme. But one thing is a least she understands that her actions can have consequences, even though you will always love her

Kids can some some really nasty things that can hurt really deeply. Especially when you give so much for them.

Good luck with teens! It could be a very rocky time.. lol. It’ll be time to move 😜

I told the kids I'm moving out by the time they are tweens/teens. @Captain24 . I'm only staying there to help my sister now until her hubby is on his two feet. He is still a worry because I'm always scared he will relapse. @Captain24

It's so sad that things happen to such nice, gentle people. He really has a heart of gold.

How's your dad's treatment going, anyway?