I can’t cope

I went to my dietitian appt. It was really hard. I told her everything. She did an assessment and when asking questions on whether I had eaten certain things, all was a no. She is really concerned and told me that she has to share it with my team. She didn’t give me a choice.

I have to be monitored closely and she wants my CM to keep an eye on my blood pressure and my GP to do bloods. I also have to increase my intake.

She is worried about what I could lose if this continues and she is really concerned for my safety and I didn’t even tell her how bad everything is. I didn’t tell her about my constant urge. She would have had me admitted.

I apologised to her for failing her, she said I hadn’t failed. I have made such a mess of my life. I can only think of one way to fix it but I know it’s the wrong way. It doesn’t stop me thinking about it though.

I guess I have to try even though I don’t want to and my head is saying not too.

Hugs @Captain24 .

You have not made a mess of your life. There is so much more ahead of you. This is just a little bump along the way.

We are taking this journey with you. We can't do it for you, but we can be with you.

I believe in you.

Hugs

Hey @tyme.

Sorry you are missing that buzz today but I’m glad you are ok.

I’ve had a rough day.

I feel very open, vulnerable, raw and scared. I guess that’s a lot. She was very understanding though. She really is amazing. She didn’t tell me the results of the assessment though. I see her again in 10 days. Usually it’s 4 weeks or more. I see my GP again next week as well. I usually only see him occasionally.

My dietitian also said it was just a blip. I’ve got to put my trust in her. I really have to try her suggestions, I hope I can fight my head to do so. I’m already fighting myself constantly with my other urge.

It’s going to be a really hard road.

I feel like a failure.

Thanks for your belief in me. I don’t have any so I’ll take yours.

Glad that your dietitian did the assessments @Captain24 and that she has heard how difficult things are for you and is taking things seriously… cause it is serious and it can turn bad very quickly. I know it’s not what you wanted, but I’m glad they are going to all be monitoring you closely. Please try and eat and increase your intake. They can and will schedule you, and I know that’s not what you want, so work with your team.

sitting with you ❤️

Understandably these emotions are popping up. Yet i can see you are making an effort and that's what counts.

You are not a failure and you have not failed anyone. Practise being kinder to yourself. You deserve to be nurtured and cared for.

Hugs

I think she would have today @Bow if I was completely honest about my thoughts. It’s definitely not what I want.

I feel sick that everyone knows how bad things are.

I will try and add something little to see if that keeps them and myself happy.

My team are pretty good @tyme. I think they will be fairly supportive. I don’t want to let them down. So I guess I need to use that as my motivation.

I did say to her today that I was scared to see my old CM because I feel like I have let her down too. I know she will tell me how it is as that’s her way but then she will be really supportive and help me all the way.

Not sure if I’ve asked you before @Captain24 but do you like up and go?
it’s always something my team nag at me to at least try and have. I’m only eating dinner and I know without a doubt my dietitian will again ask me how I feel about adding an up and go in at breakfast or lunch. It’s something. It’s a start. My favourite flavour is banana. And they are much nicer chilled.

I’ve had them before @Bow. I can try and add that. I did have a better dinner tonight. Not much but better than I have been. I do feel really sick though, I don’t know if it’s my head making me feel that way. It’s usually the only time I eat too.