Hey @Captain24,
Sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time. I am also working through my depression and anxiety and when I read your post, could totally relate to the negative voices which can be so deafening at times.
I too also pushed a lot of my friends away to the point I only really talk to one of my friends that I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with. I will say to you, that you are not alone and you are definitely not different for having these negative voices in your head.
I also battle daily with these voices in my head, which can sometimes lead to feelings of worthlessness and despair, but what I will say is that you are a strong person for voicing it out and fighting everyday. I know how tiring it feels, but the fact in the midst of that you are fighting shows you have a very strong will within.
In the early stages of my recovery it felt like it’s a 1 step forward, 2 steps back scenario which in itself can be very demoralizing and it’s still something I’m having to remind myself of that it’s a long process, one step at a time.
I was so afraid to seek help, because I thought I was weak, but it was the best decision I made. I spoke to my therapist and although I was skeptical, I felt a lot better talking and working through my feelings. It’s be great to have them as a voice of reason and reminds me to not be too hard on myself and to appreciate the small wins I’m working very hard on.
I’m constantly being reminded that it isn’t a sprint, but it’s a marathon and I’d go through periods where I would overwork myself trying to “fix” myself and getting burnt out and reverting to old ways.
What I’ve found helpful for me is to take small steps, piece by piece rather than trying to do a million things to help me. Small goals and ticking them off day by day, one small goal at a time really helped me. I also have now gotten to the point where I’m ok if I have days where I take a break from it all, I’m not a machine that can keep working non stop.
I found doing too many things would often lead to me not being able to complete them all and going back into that negative hell hole my mind becomes. Saying things to myself like “you didn’t finish all your tasks, it’s just a basic thing and you didn’t do it”
Having support for me also is really important, I used to think I could manage it all on my own, but I soon realized I need help and to be honest I have no shame in seeking help anymore.
You’ll get through this! We all will 🙂
Cheers
