I can’t cope

Take care @Captain24 . Will speak soon.

With the help of a lot of prn. I have managed to do some of my jobs around the house today. I still have so much to do. But I guess some is better than none.

Im still deeply depressed and in so much distress. I can stop focusing on the thoughts. They are really loud. I still want to act on them. I really shouldn’t take more prn though. I’ve taken too many already.

Deep breathes @Captain24 you can do this. Maybe a walk? A shower? Or perhaps just crawling back into bed?

So far the prn has given me some motivation. @Bow

I’ve mowed the back yard and about to start on the front. I have to weed it first.

It’s not distracting my thoughts though.

I think I’ve put myself into a dangerous mixed episode. It’s the opposite to the last one. This one means that I’m more likely to act on those thoughts. Due to having the motivation to be able to. I just have to be really strong today.

Sounds like a scary place to be in @Captain24 sure hope you can keep yourself safe today. Please reach out for some extra support if you need it. You are worth it!

@Captain24 you've dealt with those thoughts before so can get through it again.

We are all here for you.

I have used my motivation to get almost everything done. It hasn’t helped

with my thoughts though. I am so scared of where they are leading me. I don’t want to have to fight again. I’m tired of it.

Hey @Captain24 ,

So good to see you.

Sorry to hear things are a bit average today.

Maybe today, it's not about fighting anything. Maybe today is just about sitting with those thoughts. It's not easy, but you'll find they will go.

How's Pix today? Are you going to go for dinner tonight?

I’ve just had my first shower in 4 days and washed my hair for the first time in 2 weeks. It feels so much better @tyme.

Plus the lawns and weeding are done. I’ve also clean my house. I made a list of everything that need doing to do over 2 days. 29 things I just have 3 to go but I could do them because Pixie is sick.

I’ve had so much motivation today, I took too many prn. It didn’t lift the suicidal thoughts though. They are still as strong as the have been for the last few days.

I got out of dinner as mum didn’t want Pix near her dog. She’s been nauseous all day, not eating, runny poop and been really lethargic. She hasn’t even been barking. I gave her some medicine and she has picked up a little.