I can’t cope

@Paperdaisy Oh shucks lol I do try 😏

@Paperdaisy

Thank you. I don’t know if I could have gotten here with out @Christheart

@Christheart

I’m counting it as a win! I’m a little bit proud of myself.

I do work I’m a shift worker the roster is 5 on 4 off 4 on 5 off. Days and nights.
I did take the last block off because I just couldn’t go.

I don’t actually do anything. I’m not a fan of the gym I hate exercise but I’m thinking I have to take up something for my days off.

I’m glad it works for you. Hoping in the darkest times you can make yourself go to help ease some pain.

Definitely celebration cake time! 🎂🍰🧁🥳

@Captain24

I'm so glad you are feeling proud of yourself.

When I go to the gym I use the weights, or I do some weights at home.

I hate it too, but it is supposed to help mental health so I force myself to do it haha.

Hooray 🎂

@Christheart

I am single with no kids but I have a little dog so my daily exercise is walking her.

@Captain24

Very good, she is adorable

So I have woken up this morning with a little bit of hope in my heart that today may actually be a good day. It’s the first time in weeks that I haven’t woken up to darkness.

Hoping that I have the strength to keep that hope as each hour passes.

Need to focus on the little wins for now and that is, so far the world is not completely dark, there is a tiny bit of light.

Trying to focus on the little wins.

Went to bed last night ok. Woke up ok. Had a reasonable day. I had light in my day. Went for 2 walks and one was with a friend.

But

Now the darkness is coming back. I don’t know what to do. Why can I stay in an okish place. why can’t I just enjoy at least a day. Why does it always have to come back. Why does it always have to be so black. Why couldn’t it just be gray sometimes.

Im so tired. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of fighting. I’ve just had enough. I can’t even make a whole day.

Will this ever get easier? If it doesn’t I don’t know if I can do.

Ignore me please.

Just need somewhere to vent out

loud to not lose my mind completely.

Sending you some hope and a big thank you @Captain24

I hope tomorrow is better for both of us and @Christheart

it’s wonderful having you both here on the forums.

Lots of love ❤️

So my boss rang me this afternoon and asked if I was ready to go back to work on Friday. I told him I was but that I was scared of getting stuck in my head. He did say that if I start to struggle that I could call him up and he’d help me out. It’s good to know that I have his support. He doesn’t know half of what’s going on though.

I am terrified of going back but I know I have to. My job involves spending 11hrs of the 12.5 hr shift alone. It can be quite boring and repetitive with only a 2way and fm radio. No phones or anything. I’m freaking out so much already.

It hadnt been a really good day before that and I’ve done something stupid to myself. I hate myself for being so stupid. Yesterday started off with light but it’s gone again. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Will this ever end? I’m just so so stupid.

Im scared of what my head is doing to me. I’m just starting to shut down completely and it’s getting so hard to function.

Sorry for venting, but if I don’t I feel like I’m going to completely lose it. I’m so stupid.