I can’t cope

Maybe that’s what it is @tyme. I can give it a go.

I’ve just had enough today and don’t want to be here anymore. I failed at my psychiatrist app. I fail at everything. Im just useless and a waste of space. Maybe the world would be better without me in it.

It's just today and your brain speaking - not you. @Captain24 .

You have such a heart of gold in reaching out to other members and supporting them.

As much as your mind tells you these things, you are NOT a waste of space.

Learn to tell your thoughts otherwise?

Hugs from me to you 🙂

I just sent my nurse a similar email to my post. @tyme.

I get so tired of fighting and trying so hard. I still have so much to learn. I don’t know how to turn my self talk around. The counsellor is going to help me with that.

Thanks for your kind words it means a lot. I don’t feel I support as much as I should.

Hope you have a good sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day

I really hate myself today.

I couldn’t open up and be honest in my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. Im

lucky that my CM was there and had already filled her in on most stuff. I feel like such a failure.

I feel like all I do is let everyone down. Why can’t I get on top of this? I try so hard. I fight so much that I end up exhausted. I accept any help thrown my way and will try anything to help.

My last high was in November so it seems they are under control. Even though I miss them! At least I’m currently not at risk of doing stupid things while high. I just need to sort these depressive episodes out.

I hate my life.

Hi @Captain24,

Sounds like today has started out pretty tough for you. Some days are easier to open up than others. The problem with therapy appointments is that you never know how you are going to feel on the day - you may be having one of those days when you don't want to get into things.

I know how hard you fight and I understand why you would feel exhausted. Hopefully you will find the right treatment soon and these depressive feelings you have will lift for you - at least for a while so you can have some respite.

I will send you an email to check in with you so please respond when you can.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

I’ve been emailing my CM today some pretty heavy emails. She is unavailable for calls. She organised another nurse to ring me.

She had me laughing, which is really hard to do. She has told me to basically write today off. Maybe try and have a shower and pack the dishwasher. Just to make an achievement in the day.

I need to start fresh tomorrow. I need some structure. She has suggested using the fact that I wake up early, to take Pix for a walk and watch the sunrise. No one will be around so I don’t have to shower.

Then come home have a shower to freshen up, have breakfast then head to the markets. That gets me out of the house twice. That’s my positive achievements. Then I can have the afternoon as me time.

She wants me to make the get up, walk, shower routine, my daily routine. I told her I would try. Being given permission to leave the house without showering to walk has helped. I want leave the house unless I’ve showered. Hence I haven’t left at all today.

This routine should start my day feeling positive and maybe I can start to feel

better and get things done. My house looks like a bomb has hit it. I need it clean and the lawns mowed but Sunday night. Plus lunch prep.

Good evening @tyme

Im exhausted. How are you?

I'm grumpy lol @Captain24 .

I've been grumpy at the kids all day. I've been grumpy with my sister too. Not that I hate her, but the things she's said today really set me off....

oh well... this is part of a healthy relationship

Did you work?

Being grumpy is a bugger @tyme.

were you grumpy anyway or did your sister cause it?

Nah I didn’t work today. I go back on Monday.

Nah, I was grumpy first. @Captain24 .

Mainly because I hardly slept and then my niece work me when I did eventually sleep! I was so cranky by then, so it sort of put the day out.

Oh well 🙂