I can’t cope

Yes! That's the niece. She asked me again tonight if I could sleep with her. I straight out said "No" lol. I used school as an excuse. Then she asked, "Can you make my lunchbox? I want artichokes". Like seriously? Artichokes? She's a classic....organically original and can be absolutely annoying! @Captain24 But I still love her.

As for four weeks off, do you remember you said you wanted to do something to your garden? Could you perhaps do that tomorrow?

That sounds like close to a panic attack... this is when you need to really focus on your breathing.

4 seconds in, hold 2, 8 seconds out, hold 2 seconds...then repeat 4 times. @Captain24

I haven’t decided how I want it yet @tyme. I can mow the lawn though. I do want to put a little garden in out the back for Pix. I could really soak it and see if I can get the ground soft enough to dig.

Artichokes? That’s a little different!

What do you mean do a garden for Pix? you showed me the front and it looks so neat. At the back, is it grass? @Captain24

And yes, artichokes.... I told her no. And also, I wasn't going to make her lunchbox. I believe her mum is cutting up salami, giving her cheese and crackers... and fruit. She's such a picky eater.

Yeah the back is just all grass. Pixie loves lavender, rosemary and flowers. @tyme So I was just going to do a small one for her under the living room windows out the back. Im a good mum

She sounds like an interesting eater not picky lol.

I’ve been breathing and I can’t stop the pain. I just hurt so much.

Do you think there is something physically wrong that needs to be checked out? @Captain24 . It's a worry if the pain gets worse.

I have no other symptoms of a heart attack @tyme. I wouldn’t go and get that checked anyway. It would be a means to an end. Yep that’s where I’m sitting right now. Sorry.

I think it’s just emotional pain sitting on my chest.

Please just monitor @Captain24 . People are different. Some people don't even really feel pain, yet they are having a heart attack.

Just like COVID. We get a list of all the symptoms, but for me, I hardly got any of the symptoms. The only symptom I had was that I felt my lungs were drowning. But there was no fever, loss of smell/taste, cough or anything....

I'm sorry the emotion pain is so much tonight. Maybe it is about allowing yourself to feel it rather than wishing it go away?

That is,

Where is it?

What colour is it?

What is the texture?

How heavy is it?

How big is it?

Can you hear it?

I know this sounds tedious, but keep at it. I will work in the long run - I've tried it.

Hugs @Captain24

I’ll monitor it @tyme but I wouldn’t be lucky enough to die of natural causes.

It’s on my chest

Its murky oily black.
it’s rough

it’s extremely heavy

size of a watermelon

Its just a howl

Great work! Just keep looking at the emotion through this lens and look for changes. e.g. changes in colour, shape, size, weight etc.

@Captain24 . I'm so proud that you are giving it a go.

Anyway, I'll be off now. I hope you get some sleep and I'll tag you when I'm on next, later in the week.

Toodles! Hugs! And Hugs to you too Pix!