I can’t cope

@Captain24 certain people just run out the front door and unfortunately the latch is broken so it's easily pushed open. I actually taught Casper to open the door for me when I have my hands full with shopping bags 😂.

At least your mum and dad are willing to have them when you're at work or doing other things. Those days are long gone for me now, it used to be the case though.

Wraps tonight for dinner.

@Captain24 you accidentally tagged me instead of Nala2022 in your post.

@MissGremlin I'm so sorry things have been feeling this overwhelming. When you've been fighting so hard for such a long time, I can understand how exhausting it must feel when even the things that usually bring you comfort aren't helping in those difficult moments.

I'm glad there's still a part of you holding on, and that you're finding little moments to care for Casper and yourself. Please remember you don't have to carry all of this alone. You deserve to have people alongside you through the difficult moments, and it's okay to keep reaching out for support. We're glad you've shared how things are feeling here 💛

Oh that’s a bugger @MissGremlin I love that you taught him that! The dog that im doing the diamond art at the moment use to jump up and open the screen door and run out and bite whoever was walking past! We had to keep it locked while we were inside. We were young so we had to jump the back fence to get in! 😂

I am lucky and I do realise that.

Sounds good. I haven’t decided yet. I won’t be walking the dogs though as it’s 34 degrees outside and that’s too hot for Pix.

@Nala2022 it's really disheartening when I try to do everything possible to help myself but I still end up failing anyway. It's then that I question what's wrong with me, why am I like this and should I just give up. I'm just broken beyond repair and on borrowed time, that's what I feel.

I wish I could tap into that subconscious part so I knew what it's hanging on for, cos I just don't know. I've even shut down from my support worker, I cancelled her today and even when she rang I didn't answer. I'm struggling to reach out as I'm not seeing a point and I don't want to be a bother or a burden on anyone. This darkness really is consuming me and I don't know how to find my way out of it.

I'm still safe, waiting for dinner to cook and playing with Casper in the meantime. I'm sorry I'm struggling so much, I'm trying hard to keep pushing through.

@Captain24 I get that, spine surgery sounds so scary. I hope you find answers soon and a better plan for work and generally everything

It sounds like he was a really special person in your family. I can understand why you'd choose him if you could have anyone come back for a day. It must be lovely having those photos and hearing your mum's memories of him, even though I'm sure it brings up some sadness and longing too. I hope you get to hold onto those stories and memories.

Yeah I'm really looking forward to a few days away with Mum! I'm very grateful for the relationship we have, and I hope you have those opportunities for special moments and connections in your own life too 💛

@Captain24 it's helpful when I can't grab the handle. Haha that's a bit cheeky of them 😂. Casper scares the parcel delivery drivers with his bark, they drop the package and run 😂.

It's definitely too hot, especially for Pix. Oh well tomorrow morning it is for a walk then.